10 tips to break free from your delusionship right now and move on from someone you never dated 

There may be times when you are attracted to this person, but you never expressed your feelings to them, because you never gathered the courage to. However, that didn’t stop you from imagining fake scenarios where you’re already in a relationship with them, building a future together. There’s a chance that while you’re in this happy bubble, busy thinking about your happily ever after, they’re dating someone else. It breaks your heart into a million pieces. Many of us have experienced a similar situation at least once in our lives. It is a classic example of unrequited love or as Gen Zs call it, a ‘delusionship’.

Here are 10 tips to move on from your delusionship. 

Acknowledge your feelings

Struggling to move on from someone whom you haven’t even dated is a tricky situation to be in, mainly because you experience a wide range of emotions—helplessness, sorrow, anger, among many others—and have to deal with it all by yourself. You know that it’s technically not a break-up since you guys were never in a relationship and will often question your feelings. You might be consumed with regret for not expressing your feelings to them or may even get angry at yourself as you realise you’re spending your time and energy on someone unaware of your feelings. The first step towards healing is acknowledging your feelings. Even though it wasn’t a real relationship, you were still emotionally invested in the person. It’s completely normal to feel heartbroken and sad. You need to stop dismissing your feelings, and instead be empathetic towards yourself. 

Start journaling

Sometimes when you are overwhelmed and find it difficult to navigate your emotions, you can simply write down how you feel in your journal. Seeing your emotions in written form makes it easier to evaluate and find potential solutions. It’s the best way to declutter your thoughts and get some clarity. Don’t hesitate to pour your heart out into the journal as it will help you feel a sense of relief and you will actually feel better.

Snap out of ifs and maybes

A lot of times, unknowingly, your mind plays tricks on you by engaging in hypothetical situations. We often contemplate scenarios like ‘if they were not with someone maybe I would have expressed my feelings to them’ or ‘if they had met me earlier, maybe we still had a chance’ and so on. You need to snap out of these potential situations as they can only spiral from here on and there’s no way to tell how things would turn out otherwise. 

Stop stalking them on social media

We’ve all been guilty of doing this at some point. Constantly checking their social media is not going to change anything. In fact, you will only hurt yourself more. If you find it challenging to avoid being affected by their online presence, mute them, block them or hit that unfollow button. You can also consider taking a break from social media, as it will help you focus on other aspects of your life.

Enough with the imaginary scenarios

The root cause of this whole situation is your delusion. Most times, in a delusionship your affection is not directed at that person but rather at the idealised version that you have created in your mind. You enjoy the daydreaming as it takes minimum effort, you don’t have to know their personality traits or don’t even have to get involved physically. Since your relationship with them is based on imagination, you need to stop indulging in it by constantly reminding yourself that it’s not true.

Accept the harsh reality 

It’s important to get a reality check when things take a downward turn. It is essential to accept that you actually never dated them and they were never yours. You might even imagine your break-up, just as you envisioned your whole relationship, as a way to detach yourself from them and your emotions, and that’s okay. You need to understand that crying over someone you were never with is not going to make any difference in their life and will only make you feel sad. 

Take your time to heal

Even if you two weren’t in an actual relationship, it doesn’t mean your feelings for them weren’t real. Don’t invalidate your feelings and grieve as long as you want. Healing is a gradual process, so take your time and be patient with yourself. 

Work on your self-confidence 

When this person you like doesn’t understand your feelings and fails to reciprocate, it’s natural for your self-esteem to take a hit. You might start criticising yourself over your looks and personality because they didn’t show interest in you. This is the very moment you should shift your thoughts to self-positivity. You can also write self-affirmations, list your best qualities, or even ask your family and friends to remind you of your strengths which will boost your confidence.

Make room for a new connection 

When your mind is already occupied with all these thoughts, the idea of talking to someone new or dating might seem daunting. However, it might actually help to shift your focus from the one-way relationship to actually dating someone who is present and available. So move on from your delusionship and explore the world of dating by meeting new people.

You deserve the world 

Lastly, remember, you are a beautiful person inside and out. You are meant for greater and better experiences. If your delusionship was ever meant to materialise, it would have happened long ago. You deserve a real relationship where your partner is fully present with you and you two have a connection that is much more meaningful and beautiful than anything your imagination can ever create.