How to spot micro-cheating in your relationship?

Welcome to the murky waters of micro-cheating, the subtle behaviours that might not cross the line into full-blown infidelity—but definitely tiptoe around it. There’s no hiding from the fact that either we’ve all done it or it has happened to us (or to a close friend). But when the micro boundaries are magnified, you might find yourself questioning some overlooked decisions like, "Is liking the ex’s Instagram post harmless or a relationship red flag?”

Micro-cheating might seem harmless, but its subtle impact can ripple through a relationship in significant ways. Trust is the foundation of any relationship and even seemingly minor behaviours, like flirting or keeping secrets, can create doubt and erode the emotional safety that trust provides. If you find yourself in a potential micro-cheating situation, choosing not to engage will send a clear message to your partner about your dedication. It reinforces that you’re fully invested in the relationship and value their feelings above fleeting attention or validation from others.

In most cases, understanding the effect of micro-cheating on an active relationship is not anticipated—both from those partners who participate in very friendly conversations and for the others who have no idea whatsoever. Here are some signs that might clarify the boxes of micro-cheating, and when to stop them. 

Increased secrecy

Any sudden change in behaviour with someone you’ve been with over a period of time can be very sus, but don’t give into it straight away. Keep a cool and collected eye on patterns of conversations and actions. If they are suddenly protective of their phone, deleting messages, or using vague names for contacts then we could have a problem. Try communicating the things you’ve noticed but if they avoid discussing or dodging questions about certain people, there could be some micro-cheating happening there. 

Flirting disguised as friendly behaviour

Bringing up someone frequently

For those that face this often, you’re not alone. Often hearing too much about your partner’s best friend can be sickening. You don’t want to know how funny they are, or what their childhood was like… but when you are constantly, uncontrollably, spoken to about a certain someone who could open floodgates to dangerous waters. Don’t jump to conclusions unless you see a noticeable shift in how much they talk about this person compared to others.

Crossing social media boundaries