Lights on or off—here's what your light preference during sex says about you

Do you enjoy watching your partner when you’re having sex or do you prefer to wander in the dark as you run your hands down their dody? People are different, and so are their preferences—even more so when it comes to enjoying sex through sight or touch. What makes these sensations even better for us, while having sex, is our choice to have the lights on or off. So are you team light or team darkness? And what does it say about you and your relationship? We get some much-needed clarity from Pallavi Barnwal, sexuality and intimacy coach and founder of Get Intimacy.

Why people choose to have the lights off

 

As we mentioned above, the quality of sex entirely depends on one’s personal preferences. What’s important, according to Barnwal, is “to see where this is coming from. Does it come down to their choice? Is it a mental block because they’re ashamed of their body? They could feel shame because they think they’re fat or have scratch marks, flab, etc.” With there being a lot of judgement that one goes through, most people haven’t overcome the insecurities around their bodies. And constantly thinking about something bad (which may not be true), distracts a person from thinking about the good (a mind-bending orgasm) and stops them from overcoming the shame, inhibitions, and insecurities that they feel and face. 

An important aspect that comes into play is that some individuals don’t just want to be unseen, but hide themselves as well. Confused? You might have heard about couples having sex under a blanket because one or both parties want to hide themselves completely. “It does take a lot of convincing for them to change and in this case, have sex without a bed sheet over them. A way to overcome one’s body insecurities is for the person and their partner to talk about what both of them like about their body. But how many couples are understanding and patient enough to talk about this with each other?” 

Why having the lights off can be sexy 

Remember the saying, ‘One when door closes, another door opens’? The same holds true for sex in the dark as other senses get heightened (in this case, touch). So while you might not be able to see anything in the dark, feeling your partner can feel much more stimulating. “It’s similar to having sex with a blindfold on. Many of us want to have sex in the dark as we can then feel and receive the sensation of touching and being touched more than what it would be with the lights on.” 

Turn the lights on to be turned on

Think about it, you know where you want to be touched; you also know your partner’s hot spots and vice-versa. Nothing will turn you and your partner on more than watching yourselves touch and be touched in all the right ways. If you can see their expressions, you will be able to tell if what you’re doing is right and great or not. And that my friends, is why we keep the lights on. 

Add to that, you get to compliment and sexy talk about how hot your partner looks when you’re getting down and dirty on each other, which only makes the sex better. Lastly, having the lights on, compared to them being off, allows you to be in the moment and not be disconnected from your partner just because you can’t see them. 

Having the right conversation

Read any article on love and relationships and you’ll see one sentence be mentioned across the board—conversation is the key to keep things healthy. If two people are not on the same page when it comes to their sexual preferences, talking things out is the only way to go. Barnwal, too comes from the same school of thought. “Talking helps the other person feel heard. Listening is an art at the end of the day. Often, we don’t need a solution for people know what to do. Knowing that the other person is listening is enough. Relationships are all about negotiation and compromise. There shouldn’t be a power imbalance with one person feeling resentful. Remember, you’re not doing it for the partner, you’re doing it for the relationship. You may be right and might have won, but the relationship was lost. The relationship needs to win at the end of the day.” 

So let the night begin and enjoy the sex, with or without the lights.

Lead image: Netflix

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