Dating is a wild, unpredictable jungle where everyone hopes to find their perfect match. While love might be what you're looking for, you might occasionally encounter a few less-than-ideal candidates along the way. Picture this: You’re out there, ready to meet someone amazing, but instead, you find yourself face-to-face with someone who has one of these seriously off-putting "diseases." Now, before you start diagnosing everyone you meet, remember to take this with a pinch of salt and a good sense of humour. After all, dating should be fun, even when it’s downright exasperating.
Here are five of the most common (and notorious) diseases you must look out for when you go on that next date.
Narcissists maximus
Symptoms: Unrelenting self-love, inability to talk about anything other than themselves, mirrors are their best friends.
You've met them. The ones who think the sun shines solely to spotlight their greatness. Conversations are a one-man show starring them, with occasional appearances by the audience (you). A typical date involves a detailed recounting of their latest achievements, selfies with every course of the meal, and a goodbye kiss they probably give to themselves in the mirror. Remember, it’s not you—it’s (definitely) them.
Bad listener-itis
Symptoms: Glazed eyes, frequent interruption, responding to texts while you’re mid-sentence.
Imagine this: You’re sharing an amusing story about your dog, and your date interrupts you to talk about their recent “incredible” gym session. Or worse, they keep nodding absentmindedly while scrolling through their phone. This affliction makes meaningful conversation impossible and leaves you feeling like a podcast on mute. Spoiler alert: They're not listening to your podcast either.
Commitment phobia
Symptoms: Sudden ghosting, inability to use the word “relationship,” triggered by the future tense.
The dreaded commitment-phobe loves the thrill of the chase but flees at the first sign of actual commitment, like a vampire and garlic. They avoid any talk of the future and might break out in hives if you even mention the word “exclusive.” It's like trying to catch a cloud—good luck holding on to it!
Chronic flakiness
Symptoms: Cancels plans last minute, is always “busy,” makes promises they can’t keep.
You’ve meticulously planned a date night but your date flakes out at the last minute—again. Chronic flakiness is characterised by an inability to commit to plans and a tendency to bail without warning. They might have a million reasons (read: excuses) for their behaviour, but the truth is, they just can’t seem to prioritise you. Remember, if they can’t make time for you now, it’s not likely to get better anytime soon.
Gaslighting syndrome
Symptoms: Manipulation, constant lying, making you doubt your reality, fighting the biggest demon named accountability.
Gaslighting syndrome is a truly toxic condition. You’ll find yourself questioning your own memory, perception, and sanity because they twist the truth so convincingly. They’ll lie, deny, and manipulate you, making you feel like the crazy one. This emotional rollercoaster can be incredibly damaging, leaving you doubting your every move. The only cure here is a swift exit. It's best to preserve your peace of mind and run for the hills.
Lead image credit: Netflix
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