Cannot stand the mush anymore? Beat them at their game with a holidate

The holiday season is here, and if you’re anything like me, you know that watching your friends and loved ones get all mushy with their SOs is not fun. Of course, you’re happy for them—it's romantic and adorable—but let’s be honest, being a third (or fifth) wheel is hardly fun. It’s awkward all year round, but even more so when everything around you is wrapped in festive cheer. You don’t want to be the poor single gal/guy at parties that everyone pities or tries to set up with a friend, a friend’s friend, or someone they know from work. Setups are rarely a good idea, and definitely not worth the gamble during the holiday season. This could be a me-problem with me projecting my self-pity onto others but the bottom line is that it sucks! So what do you do? Simple—get yourself a holidate!

If you’ve watched Netflix’s Holidate, then you’re probably familiar with the concept. If not, then here’s the deal: a holidate is essentially a no-strings-attached date for the holidays. No, it’s not just a date for Christmas, but for all the holidays—New Year, Easter, Diwali, Halloween, and maybe even Valentine’s Day, depending on how you both feel about it. If committing to so many holidays sounds like too much, you can have a different one for each. What happens after the holidays? Well, that’s a whole other conversation, which can make holidating a controversial topic. But should you consider getting one? And how do you even go about it? Read on to find out. 

For many, the idea of a holidate is both intriguing and practical. It’s a way to enjoy the festivities without the pressures of romance or the loneliness of being single during holiday gatherings. The concept is simple: find someone who, like you, wants companionship without the strings of a serious commitment. This arrangement helps you avoid the embarrassment of showing up alone to yet another holiday party and dodge those awkward setups too. It’s a win-win situation (mostly), and these are some of the pros of getting a holidate. 

Helps avoid awkward conversations

Let’s face it, holiday parties with your family and friends come with a fair share of annoyingly intrusive questions, “Why are you still single?”, “Are you seeing anyone”, etc. Getting a holidate is a great way to deflect some of these questions, and you won’t have to explain for the hundredth time why your career, pet, or personal freedom comes first...or how the dating pool right now makes you wanna consider black magic over manifestations! 

Holiday activities are better in pairs

As mentioned before, third-wheeling with your couple of friends for holiday activities is just plain awkward. But with a holidate, Christmas dances can be so romantic, shopping at a Christmas market is twice the fun, and cheesy holiday movies feel extra cosy! Need we say more? 

A confidence boost

Walking into a party alone or, at the risk of repeating ourselves, with your couple-friends, is a little sad and awkward. Yes, we all know how we should be embracing solitude and be comfortable with going to a party alone and gaining more confidence and all that crap. But here's the thing, and it may be an unpopular opinion: there is no harm in taking the easier route, at least for a while. Walking into a crowded party with a holidate is a lot less nerve-wracking.  Suddenly, small talk with distant relatives or coworkers doesn’t seem so daunting. You’ve got someone to hang out with, dance with, and basically not be the sad single lady (or lad), believe me, the movies make it look cool. In real life, it's just plain sad. Plus, them complimenting your look? Major ego boost!

Now, the idea of a holidate is almost perfect, but that's not to say there aren't any drawbacks. Although very few, here's why a holidate can be a tricky arrangement. 

Potential awkwardness

You meet up, dressed to impress, but then… crickets. The conversation doesn’t flow and you realise you have absolutely nothing in common except for needing a plus-one for the holiday season. Awkward silences at a family dinner? Not ideal. And let’s not forget the side-eye from your cousin who knows about your holidate situation.

Mixed signals

This one is particularly dangerous, not because it can happen, but because it won't necessarily happen to you both. Unlike the movie Holidate, your holiday dating arrangement may not really turn into a happy romantic relationship. Sure, it initially starts as a fun, no-strings-attached arrangement, but it can just as easily turn murky if either of you catch feelings. Have they started making plans for Valentine’s Day without asking you first? Or was it you who wondered if they're 'the one' after aunt Carol calls them “a keeper”? 

Holiday drama

It's not Christmas until there's family drama. The drunk uncle who won't stop talking, your mom asking too many questions, and the needy cousins and friends who keep hitting on your date because they know you're not really *together* together. Before you know it, your “holidate” starts to feel more like a “holiday headache.” 

How to find the right holidate

So you've decided to go ahead with the whole holidate arrangement, now the next step is finding one. Dating apps are your obvious bet of course, because they let you specify what you're looking for—whether it’s a relationship, a casual hookup, or a date for the holidays. This is a low-pressure way to connect with people who might be looking for the same seasonal companionship. 

But if you want a lazy girl's guide to finding a holidate, you can always ask a friend. This way you can avoid all and any drama, there's no feelings—because if it had to happen it would have already—and they probably already know everything about your family, so it's a safe ground there too. But the best part? You already know each other’s quirks, and you’ll be guaranteed to have a good time, whether you're sipping cocktails or laughing at cheesy holiday movies. It’s the perfect way to celebrate the season without worrying about any romantic strings attached. 

How to successfully navigate a holidate arrangement?

Communicate clearly

You have to set your expectations from the start! Make sure both of you are on the same page about what the arrangement is, and talk about your plans and boundaries. No one likes feeling like they’re guessing, so clear communication will make this so much easier. Plus, it keeps things drama-free, and with the holiday season, no drama is a gift on its own! 

Plan ahead

The holidays can get super busy, so don’t wait until the last minute to coordinate. Check with each other early on to make sure you’re both free for family get-togethers, holiday dances, and other events. This way you're both available on the same day (hence no surprise single guest appearances) and you can have a good time without any hiccups.

Keep it light

While it is important to discuss your expectations, try to avoid diving into heavy convos like past relationships or your future plans. The holidays are for having fun, not for analysing where things are headed. Try and keep the conversation light and breezy—share a laugh and talk about fun memories instead of getting too serious.

Be grateful

We know we said things aren't serious, but that doesn't mean you take each other for granted. Appreciate the little things—whether it’s their time, effort, or the fact that they showed up. It's a very simple step and it will make them feel special, and make the whole experience even more memorable. 

Lead image credit: Netflix 

Also read: 9 things you can to do to find your ‘the one’ on a dating app 

Also read: How to plan the perfect cooking date night