How to reconnect with your partner after a series of bad fights

The duration of the honeymoon phase of a relationship is different for every relationship. It’s a glorious time; you can’t get your hands off your partner, a mere kiss from them is enough to set your pants on fire and all you can do is think and talk about how cute they are. You are the human form of the heart-eye emoji. Unfortunately, this phase inevitably comes to an end. That is just the universal truth about romance and relationships. 

And sometimes, you walk from the honeymoon phase right into a phase where you are constantly fighting. Every small thing, be it their habits or a passing comment made in genuine jest, becomes a point of conflict. This rocky phase comes in at random points in your relationship, it can be very unpredictable. But the good news is that if you stick through it, you will come out the other side stronger with a newfound understanding of your partner. 

We’ve listed down a few points to help you make your partner feel loved again after a bad phase. The key is to make them feel heard, valued and loved. This is also the time for unlimited hugs and kisses. Just like you would during the honeymoon phase. Following these points can make your relationship a safe space for you once again. 

Practice active listening 

After all the screaming, passive-aggressive comments, stonewalling, silent treatment or whatever your fighting style is, take a breather. Take three steps back and (temporarily) disconnect. Once you’ve taken some space for yourself and calmed down, then comes the reconciliation talk. Address the conflict but keep in mind that it’s not a blame game. It’s not you v/s them. So be cognisant of their feelings and even after all those numerous fights, if you don’t agree with them, just hear them out. However, let us tell you right here, it’s very tough to hold yourself back from defending your stance. But if you want to get your relationship out of this rocky road slump, active listening is the way to go. And make sure they know to do the same when it’s your turn to put your points across. 

Here is the thing though—active listening and communication can only take you so far. You also have to put in the effort to work through whatever the core reason for that fight was. Once you’ve identified it, find a solution that works for both of you and stick to it. It’s very easy for fights to blow out of proportion and become a recurring problem. Don’t let that happen. 

Make time to be silly together  

Pulling a relationship out of a bottomless pit of fights can seem like a daunting, serious task. But do you know what makes it better? Shared laughter. It could be a pillow fight or a game of cards that brings out the fun competitive side to you or even a visit from the tickle monster. Anything that allows you to kick back and be your goofy self. Unsurprisingly, there is research that shows that couples who laugh together have happier relationships and often stay together long-term. It’s about reminding yourself and your partner that you can still have fun together and it’s moments like these that outweigh all the bad ones. So, despite that tiny bit of residual anger you may be feeling toward your partner, don’t hesitate to be silly together. It’s like they say—laughter is the best medicine. 

Do something to make your partner go ‘Awww’  

We aren’t suggesting you hire an orchestra to serenade your partner (unless that’s what works for you). But small gestures go a long, long way. Especially when you are coming out the bright end of a rough patch. As much as verbal communication can help a relationship heal, there is something so special about taking charge through actions. Buy some flowers (yes, even for the boys), plan a cute date or get a box of their favourite ice cream. Whatever you know will get them all giddy and mushy inside. You could also surprise them by doing all their chores or cooking dinner for them and setting up the table with candles all ready for when they come home after a long day at work. Remember—the devil (in this case, angel) is in the details. Show them that you know them and that they are an important part of your life by making them feel oh-so-special. 

Let physical intimacy heal you

While angry sex is a concept that generally doesn’t end well, a little physical intimacy after your fights are done and resolved, can help reignite your passion. But as much as you want to jump your partner’s bones after a series of bad days, take it slow to savour each moment. Clear your mind, switch off your phone for a few hours and just concentrate on your partner. Focus on feeling each kiss and each sensation. The goal of this session is not the climax. It’s showing your partner how much you value and trust them through some physical love. And once both of you have finished, then comes cuddle time. Name a better feeling than being enveloped in your partner's arms, we dare you. Cuddles have the superpower of relaxing you and making you feel so loved. And isn’t that exactly what you need after all those fights that made you feel like there was no turning back?  

Be considerate of your partner's needs

While you might be eager to get to this stage after a series of bad fights, your partner might not be ready. Everyone reacts differently. Some might need love and affection immediately after a fight while some might need to distance themselves for a bit longer. Respect your partner’s needs and don’t put undue pressure on them to make up after a fight. In that moment, you might want to just run and hug them but they might need you to show them that you care by backing off for a while when you need them to. Don’t worry, play your cards right and they will come around.