How get over an ex who didn’t make an effort in the relationship

Recovering from a breakup is never easy. But what makes it even more difficult is when you realise that your ex never put enough effort into the relationship, which leaves you questioning your self-worth. You replay moments in your head wondering what you could have done differently or why they couldn’t meet you halfway. It’s natural to experience a mix of emotions—anger, sadness, frustration, and even maybe even a little relief. But you may also feel betrayed, having invested your time and energy into someone who couldn’t reciprocate your feelings and commitment. These feelings can be quite overwhelming, which makes the healing process much more daunting. However, it's crucial to remember that their lack of effort is a reflection on them and not on you. 

While the road to recovery might seem long, there are a few deliberate steps that can help you regain your confidence. Here’s how you can heal and move on after breaking up with someone who didn’t really make an effort in the relationship.

As mentioned above, it’s normal to go through a labyrinth of emotions after your breakup. Suppressing these feelings, especially the negative ones, can only prolong the heartache and in some cases, make it worse. So allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. Cry if you need to, go to an anger room and vent out your frustrations, or talk to a friend about how you’re feeling. And if you don’t feel like talking about it, journal your thoughts and allow yourself to process your feelings rather than pretend they don’t exist. Recognising your pain as a response to someone’s lack of effort can be a step toward understanding what you deserve in a relationship.

Reflect on the relationship

While you are processing your feelings after a breakup, take some time to reflect on your relationship. Think about what went well and what didn’t in order to identify behaviour patterns that were unhealthy or didn’t serve you well. Reflecting on the imbalance can help you recognise your value and understand your needs better, whilst preparing yourself for healthier relationships in the future.

Focus on self-care

Everyone loves to hit the gym after a breakup, and they’re not wrong for it. Exercise is a great way to nurture your body and recover after heartbreak. But don’t forget about your mind. You must prioritise your well-being to nurture your mind as well. Activities like exercising regularly, eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in hobbies that make you happy are a few ways in which you can take care of yourself both, your physical and emotional health to help you feel stronger and more resilient.

You could also use this time for self-improvement. Set new goals for yourself, whether they’re related to your career, hobbies, or personal development. Pursuing your passions and working on yourself can be empowering and help shift your focus from the past to the future. This newfound focus can reinforce your belief that you are worthy of effort and dedication in your relationships.

Set boundaries

Building on the above, setting boundaries is an important part of self-care. It’s important to establish boundaries with your ex, especially if their lack of effort was hurtful. This might mean limiting contact, unfollowing them on social media, or even blocking them if necessary. Sure it can seem immature, but protecting your space and energy is important and necessary to help you heal without any reminders of the past. It also helps ensure that your emotional needs are met, acknowledging that you deserve someone who puts in the same effort you do.

Reach out to friends and family who can provide comfort and perspective. Talking about your feelings with those who care about you can be incredibly healing. They can offer support, advice, and a reminder that you are valued and loved, especially when you might feel unappreciated by your ex.

Avoid rebound relationships

Jumping into a new relationship quickly might seem like a good way to move on, but it can often lead to more emotional complications. Give yourself time to heal and fully understand what you want in a partner before starting a new relationship. This way you don’t risk repeating past mistakes or seeking validation from someone else.

Embrace forgiveness

Forgiving your ex doesn’t mean excusing their behaviour, but it does mean letting go of the anger and resentment that can weigh you down. Forgiveness is more about freeing yourself from negative emotions and finding peace, which can help you move forward and build healthier relationships in the future.

Featured image credit: Anthony Tran/Unsplash

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