Here's what to do when you are given the 'we need to talk' card!

Oh, the dreaded 'We need to talk.' It's like the suspenseful drum roll before the main event in a mystery movie. Imagine you're the star of a movie, trying to figure out where things went wrong in the past or trying to anticipate what's about to happen. You turn into a detective questioning every moment in the past, playing every tiny detail in your head wondering what happened or what is about to happen. An expected reaction is, 'Yep, saw this coming—it's about that thing I forgot to do right?'. In doing so, we become our own fortune tellers, trying to anticipate what's going to happen. We go into 'survival mode,' becoming alert and our hearts racing, preparing ourselves for what's about to come. 

The words 'we need to talk' don't typically come from strangers but rather from someone we know like a partner or a family member, which fills us with a sense of worry over possibly losing them or the fear of having unintentionally hurt them.

Got a 'We need to talk' moment on the horizon? No sweat, we've got your prep steps right here.

Open communication

The first thing to do, if you're about to have the conversation is to be as honest as possible. Have an open conversation articulating everything on your mind and if you're unsure about certain points, ask for clarification rather than making assumptions about the other person's intentions. This ensures that both parties have a clear understanding of each other's thoughts. 

Use "I" statements

Frame your thoughts using "I" statements to express your feelings without placing blame. This way, you take ownership of your emotions and experiences, cultivating a sense of personal responsibility. For instance, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," you could say, "I feel unheard when our conversations become one-sided." This subtle shift in perspective, emphasises your feelings rather than accusing the other person, encouraging them to empathise with your perspective without feeling attacked or defensive.

Find solutions

When the conversation gets tough, it's important to think ahead and find solutions together. This shows you're committed to fixing things and sets the stage for positive results. Instead of dwelling on the past, talk about what you can do moving forward. This helps you come up with solutions effectively, paving the way for understanding and growth in your relationship.

Take breaks when needed

If the conversation becomes emotionally charged, don't hesitate to take a break and cool off. This provides both parties with an opportunity to approach the discussion with a clearer mind. You could take a short walk, practice deep breathing exercises or simply spend a few moments alone to cool off. This break in conversation acts as a reset button, creating space for reflection and preventing the conversation from spiralling into a heated argument. It also presents the opportunity for a more deliberate return to the discussion, fostering a calm and receptive environment.

Listen actively

In any conversation, creating a genuine exchange is key. Conversation is a two-way street, so it's vital to not only express your thoughts but also actively listen to the other person. Paying close attention to their words and incorporating gestures like nodding, maintaining eye contact, and asking elucidating questions reflects genuine interest. These simple yet powerful actions convey that you value the other person's perspective and are fully engaged in understanding what they have to say.

Choose the right time and place

Selecting the right time and place is a pivotal step in ensuring a successful conversation. Pick a time when both of you are free from distractions so you can devote your complete attention. Whether it's a quiet corner at home, a cosy cafe or a peaceful outdoor space, the chosen location should facilitate a focused and meaningful conversation. Try and avoid discussing sensitive matters amid stressful periods as this can hinder the effectiveness of the conversation. By intentionally setting the stage with the right time and place, both individuals can feel heard and understood.

Feature Image: @jw.org/Pinterest

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