Everyone knows situationships suck so why do we still fall for it?

Today, situationships are the new friends-with-benefits. It’s that undefined “relationship”, that’s too romantic to be friends-with-benefits but definitely not boyfriend-girlfriend material either. Situationships are stuck in a grey area; they can’t seem to pick a lane and frankly, neither can we. On one hand, we crave intimacy; on the other, we fear commitment. 

But where do things go wrong? Two individuals like each other. They text back and forth, but not too quickly because they don’t want to seem desperate. Every punctuation mark and every timestamp is analysed to its core. They meet regularly, play board games, have movie nights, and share steamy sleepovers. They do everything except talk honestly with each other. They like the companionship but can’t seem to accept it (even to themselves). And that’s where the problem lies.

When we like someone, fear can take over. We might want to run the other way because we’d rather be alone than risk getting hurt. And when someone likes us, we feel a sense of power, using it to seek attention and validation. We bread-crumb them, offering small amounts of attention, just enough to keep them invested. But why do we do this? When did we become so selfish and vain? Why can’t we just be honest and mature? And since when has being vulnerable become a weakness?

So despite all the hot and cold behaviour and obvious commitment issues, why are we still in a situationship? There’s a lot of good reasons. Sometimes, it’s the hope that things will change to match the fairytale we’ve created in our heads. Let’s not forget the convenience factor: situationships are comfortable and easy. The fear of commitment plays a big role too. And sometimes, the sex is just so good that everything else seems forgivable, 

So how do I stay away from situationships? 

Communication. Make your intentions clear from the very beginning. You don’t have to have a “What are we” conversation so early on but you can definitely have a “This is what I feel” discussion. Stop playing games and speak your mind. If they’re texting you back too slowly, a simple, “Hey, I’d like it if we texted more frequently,” should do the trick. If they respond with effort, it’s a good sign. But if he makes you feel bad about having certain expectations without valid reasons, boy bye!

Be ready to walk away when you're constantly disappointed. You’ll automatically find the strength to do this once you start valuing yourself more. At the same time, don’t be unrealistic. For example, if you confess your feelings and your SO needs more time. Give them some time and when it starts to feel too much, then make a decision. Don’t be embarrassed to be vulnerable. 

So, next time you’re in a situationship, ask yourself why. Talk to your partner once you’ve gathered your thoughts. Don’t be afraid of labels (everyone’s being encouraged to read them nowadays). Be honest and take risks when you like someone. But, be ready to walk away when they aren’t measuring up to your standards. Because at the end of the day, you deserve someone who doesn't make your mascara run.

Feature image: Pexels

Also read: I stayed in a situationship for way too long and here’s what I learnt

Also read: How to turn a situationship into a real relationship