Don’t like your friend’s partner? Here's how to deal with it

Okay, so your bestie is dating someone new and you’re not exactly their biggest fan. So how do you handle the situation? Do you show your disdain or do you pretend to like them? And if you can't do either, do you avoid hanging out with them altogether? It's a tough situation, no doubt. You want what's best for your friend, but their new partner makes that increasingly difficult. For instance, they show up uninvited to your bonding sessions with your friend, making you feel insignificant, and worse, like you're the one piling on them. During all of this, you can't help but despise them and occasionally, your friend's choice and opinion on the matter. But if you don't want to lose your friend over a crappy partner, here’s what you can do. 

Figure out why you don’t like them

Not clicking with someone from the get-go is quite normal, and that includes your BFF's partner. While you don't have to be best friends with them, disliking them based on intangible feelings like "bad vibes" or disagreements over inessential matters like political views, is not a good enough reason.

On the other hand, tangible reasons can justify not liking your BFF's new partner. Do they make you uncomfortable? Do they disrespect your friend and his/her boundaries? Are they rude to you or to other people in general? Do they seem like they’re gaslighting your BFF?

Cut them some slack

As previously mentioned, not bonding with your BFF's partner is quite alright. But before you get all judgemental, remember that first impressions are fickle and not always 100 per cent accurate. Everyone has quirks, even you! And at the end of the day, it's your friend's happiness that matters the most. So cut them some slack; be open to learning more about them and give them a few chances before you jump to conclusions. 

The easiest way to bond with somebody is to find common interests. It could be as simple as having the same taste in music or a movie that you both love to rewatch every now and then. You never know what hobbies or interests you share with someone until you really get to know them. 

Communicate with your BFF

If you've tried all of the above and are still repulsed by them, then it's probably time to talk to your BFF, preferably alone. But make sure that you’re doing this as delicately as possible. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how difficult it would be to find out your new dreamy partner makes your best friend uncomfortable. Gently express your concerns and remind them that you're just looking out for them. 

Let it go

While it's okay to have concerns, remember that it's your friend who ultimately chooses whom they want to date. If you've made attempts to get to know their partner and still don't click with them, accepting their happiness and relationship might be the only way out. Allow yourself to compartmentalise your life and your friendship so you can maintain the friendship you have with your BFF. 

Also read: 5 things to keep in mind while dating someone older

Also read: How to deal with a partner who gets defensive in conflicts