Things to keep in mind when introducing a strap-on to your sex life

If you think only lesbians use strap-ons, think again

Strap-ons might be associated with lesbians but the truth is that anyone, regardless of their gender and sexual orientation, can use a strap-on. While those with vaginas may use them to have sex with their partner with a vagina, hetero relationships can use them as well. Men, who struggle with erectile dysfunction can use it to penetrate their partner. Furthermore, a woman can penetrate their male partner by having anal sex with them (this is called pegging). This is where the woman gets to be the dominating partner. A 29-year-old Meera from Pune believes that using a strap-on for the first time allowed her to take control and explore her dominant side, a personality trait women are rarely encouraged to accept in a conservative culture like India’s. On the other hand, 37-year-old Vivek from Kolkata claims that as a cis-het man introducing a strap-on in his married life has been a different but revelatory experience for him and his wife.  

Choose utility over how you look

Sex is supposed to make you feel sexy, but don’t be disheartened by how weird you might look while wearing a strap-on. Even without a strap-on, sex, and your favourite positions aren’t picturesque come to think of it. When shopping for a strap-on, looks should be lower than utility on the priority scale. If you’re comfortable and the strap-on is easy to use, you are going to feel sexy. An important thing to remember here is to find and buy a strap-on that works for them and not go for one that’s been recommended by someone else. Rahul (name changed) from Varanasi, who has been experimenting with sex toys for the past 5 years, comments, "Our first-time experience with a strap-on was challenging as it didn't quite meet our expectations. We struggled with finding the right fit and the right position to use. I’d recommend new users do proper research and communication beforehand." 

So, take all the time you have and need to ensure that what you’ve bought works best for your body and that the material doesn’t harm it. 

Do your homework, especially if you’re going to have anal sex

As long as you take proper precautions and prepare for it, anal sex is a safe bet. The most important thing to use is lube—an absolute must if you ask us. While the vagina produces natural lubrication, the anus doesn’t. The tissues in your anus can tear without adequate lubrication. Clean the area with water and cloth so that it’s clean before you get into the act (could also opt for doing an enema—pumping water or saline into the rectum). Take things slow here and spend time in foreplay and stimulating or massaging your anus with your fingers/or partner’s mouth. This can help you get familiar with the sensation before any kind of penetration happens. 

Communication is key

Good communication while having sex plays a vital role in a couple having a great sex life. Even before starting, speak to each other about your expectations and boundaries. When using a new toy, in this case, a strap-on, a device you might not have complete control over, it’s always helpful to talk to your partner about how you feel and vice versa. The penetrating partner cannot feel what the receiver is feeling nor do they know how deep they’re going when using a strap-on (something that you do know when you use your fingers or penis). Start slowly and keep checking in with your partner during the act so that you can adjust the strap-on and/or change positions. Whether good or bad, it’s always important for both parties to know. Even after sex with a strap-on, the post-act debrief is a great way to reflect on what just happened and speak about what worked, and what didn’t—especially when you’re trying something for the very first time. 

The new strap-ons in the market

If you’re new to strap-ons or somebody who is still exploring, you may hear a lot about harness strap-ons and hollow strap-on dildos which are the popularly known toys. Hollow strap-on dildos are usually perfect for heterosexual couples who want a boost of size or girth. While harness strap-ons are more preferred when vulva owners want to act as the giver in the relationship. Apart from these commonly known strap-ons, there are also strapless strap-ons that are designed for dual stimulation of the giver and the receiver with some premium models coming with app or remote-controlled vibrating functions for an enhanced experience. You can not only control the vibrations of this dual strap-on using your mobile but also experiment with intensity patterns, and sync it with your favorite music beats. And one can comfortably use this solo or with a long-distance partner. 

That said, irrespective of the product you pick, you should do your research on what product fits your needs and budget the best.