How to finger someone really well

With a majority of women not achieving orgasm through penetrative sex, fingering saves the day by offering immense and intense pleasure. Fingering skills are important and can help boost your sex life, after all, we have way more control over our fingers compared to a sex toy or a penis. 

What you need to do

Keep your fingers clean

Netflix and Chill can take a turn for the worse when you guys start making out in the heat of the moment and your fingers smell like popcorn. Good sex starts with clean sex and when it comes to fingering, you should keep your fingernails short and clean so that you reduce the risk of passing on an infection. 

It’s better when it’s wetter, so use lube

One of the biggest complaints that a lot of people have with fingering is that it can be irritating and painful if they are not wet enough. You don’t want to hurt them or their feelings. Sometimes, natural lubrication is not enough (which is impacted by hydration, hormones, medication, and stress), and it’s time to use lube to get things flowing.  

Don’t just go for the kill, build anticipation and start slow

When it comes to a good fingering session, it’s important to build up the intensity. A way to do this well is to work your way from the outside in, towards the clitoris. Start by touching the inner thighs with your fingers, lips, and tongue; like you’re teasing them. Pay attention to their cues and move closer towards the pubic mound, labia, and perineum if seem to enjoy it. Take things up a notch by running a single finger over the clitoris, but pulling away. Tease the outsides of her vagina with your fingers and miss the sweet spots on purpose. Watch how it drives them crazy. Once you see and know they’re getting aroused, it’s time to make those touches more rhythmic and consistent as you carry on. Do this by stroking your partner’s labia, rubbing a finger back and forth or tracing a circle. It's key to communicate, so listen to what your partner likes and how they like it. You could also go down on them if they want things more intense.

Gently and gradually increase the speed and intensity (do ask them if they want it and know if it’s making them feel good). It's important to understand that it’s not the speed that needs to increase, but their arousal should heighten so that they come closer to an orgasm.

The three main areas

The clitoris: If you want to get on your partner’s nerves, you might as well choose this one. After all, it’s got 10,000 nerve fibers. What you see at the top of the vulva is only a part of what's called the clitoral glans with most of it being underneath the skin running along the sides of the vulva. The clit can be stimulated by stroking the glans, gently cupping the vulva (more on that later), or you can stimulate it from inside the vagina by finding the G-spot.

Cupping the vulva: This technique requires you to take the cup of your hand and place it over the entire vulva, with your fingers pointing downwards. Then, gently press your palm into the vulva, using your other hand to pull your partner towards you by their lower back. This helps increase blood flow by helping the vulva and vagina become fully aroused. And that’s only good news. 

G-Spot: If you don’t know where it is, you’ll find it by inserting one or two fingers when your partner is aroused and curling them towards the front of their body. If you feel a bump or a spongy texture, you’re in the right place. There are a few G-spot techniques you can try, but the most common is a firm, ‘come-here’ motion using a finger or two against the vagina's front wall. 

Go Deeper: Some like it shallow, while some like it deep. If your partner wants you to finger them deep, it’s time to bring your longest fingers in the game. Use the middle finger as it will give you the furthest reach. That and the index finger, together, will cover more area than one. 

Some other common moves you can try out is using a circular motion inside the vagina that targets the sensitive area at its opening. You could also finger the G-spot and then run your fingers over the clit (or use your thumb over the clit while doing so). The brave-hearted could also go for the high five and do a little bit of fisting (do use a lot of lube for this). 

Besides a G-spot, there’s also something called the anterior fornix, or A-spot, an erogenous zone about four to six inches inside the vagina on the front of the vaginal wall. And that’s the next destination to give her an orgasm. 

Don’t change track if what you’re doing is working

Be it a relationship, or the sex in it, you need to communicate and pay attention to each other. When it comes to fingering and sex, if you hear a lot of “Oh yes!”, “Oh God!”, and a whole lot of moaning DO NOT CHANGE WHAT YOU’RE DOING, continue the same rhythm. Fingering is all about the rhythm and if you’ve got the pace and intensity on point, just keep going till the time your partner tells you to do something different. By staying consistent, you will create enough sexual tension to get your partner a step closer to climax. And seeing them turned on is going to turn you on as well. 

It’s important to check in with your partner about whether they like what you’re doing. Ultimately, this should be a joint effort, with you both working as a team toward your partner's ultimate pleasure.

Cues and communication 

When your partner gets closer to orgasm you will see their breathing get a lot faster, their body getting tense, and their moans getting louder or much softer. You must not lose focus and keep the rhythm going and check if they’re enjoying what you’re doing. Try to take cues about what they need to tip them over the edge. It could be some deep kisses, eye contact, kissing their neck or breasts. Long story short, you will get the best advice from them. Throw in a few words as well and let them know how turned on you are by turning them on. 

Paying attention to her reaction when she’s being fingered matters, too. See how she feels when you add more fingers. Does the vagina get wetter or dry? What are the sounds and facial expressions that they are making? It’ll tell you a lot about the fingering technique that you need to do to bring her to an orgasm.