Signs he is going hot and cold with you and here's how to deal with it, like a Queen

The initial stages of getting to know someone is exciting. When you both connect and the partner seems equally enthusiastic, things appear to be heading in a positive direction. You might feel everything is going smoothly until there comes a point where they start acting differently and it feels like their interest is fading. These changes in their behaviour, referred to as hot and cold behaviour, can leave you puzzled.

When someone is hot and cold during the initial stages, it means they're sending mixed signals. It's like a rollercoaster of emotions, where one moment they seem interested and engaged, and in the next, they are distant and less responsive. If you find yourself in this situation, it's essential to take a closer look at their actions. Let's explore the signs of hot and cold behaviour, understand the reasons behind it, and discover effective strategies for dealing with it.

Signs of hot and cold behaviour

Either shows lots of attention or withdraws completely

Their behaviour fluctuates between showering you with love, affection, and attention and going incognito. This unpredictability can leave you feeling emotionally drained and confused.

Late replies or absolute silence

A telltale sign of hot and cold behaviour is inconsistent communication patterns. One day they might be prompt in responding to your texts and calls and have engaging conversations but at other times, they can go completely silent for extended periods without explanation. 

They constantly play the push-pull game 

Those who engage in hot and cold behaviour are masters at playing the push-pull game, meaning, they will draw you in with warmth, only to abruptly push you away emotionally. It’s a bumpy ride that will take a toll on your emotional well-being.

Often makes up excuses

They may start coming up with various excuses for their behaviour. These excuses can vary from personal issues to sudden changes in priorities. It can feel like they’re trying to justify their actions without addressing the root cause.

They come back when they want to

Another significant sign of hot and cold behaviour is that they reappear in your life on their terms, a lot like zombieing. They might reach out to you at their convenience, regardless of how they have treated you before. This inconsistent behaviour can be extremely frustrating and exhausting as you are always guessing their next move.

Why do they behave hot and cold?

Unsure about their feelings 

Often, hot and cold behaviour stems from uncertainty about one’s feelings. There can be many reasons why they find it hard to navigate their emotions—maybe they lack dating experience, have recently come out of a long-term relationship, or are caught up between casual dating and wanting a more profound connection. So, it’s possible they may be interested in you, but are unclear about their feelings or are not emotionally ready for a relationship, either way, it is okay, but they should be honest with you.

They like the chase game

Hot and cold behaviour is a way to emotionally manipulate the partner. They try to keep you hooked with their affection and then move back just a few steps to leave you craving for more. It creates an emotional chaos within you. The more distant they get, the more you’ll chase them, which ultimately puts them in a position of power, which they clearly enjoy.

They may be trying to play it cool

You might have noticed that they reply late to your texts but seem invested in the conversation. In such a case, it’s likely they don’t want to come across as ‘too interested’ or ‘available all the time’. 

Communication is not their strong suit

Very rarely, is poor communication skill the main cause for hot and cold behaviour, but it cannot be discounted. Some individuals are just bad at consistently texting or calling; they would rather meet in person. However, this can often come across as ‘hot & cold’ behaviour.

He isn’t interested in you anymore 

It’s definitely not something you want to hear but a reality check is always better than living in a bubble. One of the key reasons for their hot and cold behaviour is that they are not interested in you anymore. And instead of ghosting you or being upfront about it, they resort to hot and cold behaviour. 

How to deal with someone who is blowing hot and cold

Observe the pattern

You need to pay close attention to their hot and cold behaviour to get a clear understanding of their intentions. Notice their actions and words when they make these emotional shifts as it may help you make an informed decision in the future.

Think rationally rather than emotionally 

When faced with such a situation, it’s natural to feel irritated and frustrated, however, don’t let your emotions overpower you. Avoid acting on an impulse, instead, process your feelings and think logically. 

Have a direct conversation 

While taking time to reflect on the whole situation is necessary, sometimes excessive analysis can add unnecessary frustration to an already messy situation. So, it’s best to be direct and engage in a straightforward conversation. 

Understand that it’s not your fault 

Don’t let their hot and cold behaviour make you doubt yourself or affect your confidence. It’s not your fault that they are unclear about their feelings. You deserve consistency and clarity in your relationships, so focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being.

Consider moving forward

If you've noticed a consistent pattern of hot and cold behaviour, and it's become clear that you both have different interests at the moment, it might be best for you to let go. Continuing to invest time and emotional energy in such a situation can be exhausting. Redirecting that energy towards more positive endeavours might be a healthier choice.