What does it mean to be ‘masculine’ in 2024?

The ‘masculine’ man has seen an evolution. The most nascent ideas of idealised masculinity come from ancient lore; of Greek heroes and Gods that set the template for a masculinity ideal that would be gently tweaked for generations after it. Look at Ares, the God Of War, as a paradigm; unyielding, heroic, brave, strong–unwaveringly fearless, with an emotional exoskeleton of steel. It was the purest contrast to the ideals of femininity: soft, malleable, ready for the rescue.

That masculinity ideal saw many avatars—from the ‘Christian and chivalric’ mediaeval European edition, the bare-knuckle boxer of 19th century America, the blue-collar Brando in Streetcar, to off-screen Jason Momoa circa now. But one thing stayed at its core through every rendition and remix: a pillar of strength. A person that was the zenith of infallibility—trustworthy, heroic, courageous. Masculinity remained rooted in that original lore just enough to tether every new version to it with a fairly short leash.

The conversation on constructs around gender tie into that idea more today. What does masculinity and femininity mean now, in a world where genders can exist in the gradient between these diametric extremes? Non-binariness emerged in a break from gender ascriptions that were handed down to us like our sister’s school sneakers; a redefining of aspirational qualities that a person born into a certain body ought to possess. It challenged gender tropes, not by a vehement dismantling, but by simply hitting ‘unsubscribe’ altogether. But, despite masculinity and femininity still co-existing beside it, they did not remain unchanged by its emergence.

The ideal man
In surveys across three popular dating apps in India, the following findings emerge of the Modern Man™ ne plus ultra. Here’s what women want from their partners in 2024:

Emotionally intimate: The toxic thing is so 2000-and-late. Yes, we all want that in our more obtuse, sunny-side-up years, but when it comes to relationship golden hour, it’s an available, vulnerable man we’re after.

Pro-therapy: A man that’s sorting through his trauma is less likely to cause yours. Bonus: if he’s open to working on himself, he’s open to working on your relationship.

Staying active: A six-pack isn’t necessary (though appreciated), but sloth isn’t kosher either. It all comes from the same root; taking care of yourself and putting in the work.
Nobody wants a partner who stops trying to deserve them.

Stability: Not even the white-picket-fence kind. We mean that special brand of emotional steady-handedness that makes you feel safe—no matter what crazy adventures you
go on together.

Sharing responsibilities: The urban Indian millennial of today sees herself as an equal—and that applies to the home just as much. Taking ownership and sharing the load is no longer Henry Cavill-esque in his sex appeal; it’s a mandate.

A 2023 YouGov survey on Masculinity and Femininity sampled 2,000 adult citizens across the US, asking them where they see themselves on the spectrum between the two. It found that men over 65 are the most likely to see themselves as ‘completely masculine’, at 50 per cent, while one-third (34 per cent) of younger men share this view of themselves. What this highlights is when a more ‘traditional’ masculinity is used as a barometer, older generations of men see themselves leaning into it far more. But, as the generations get younger, the correlation reduces. The modern-day man no longer sees himself as the ‘old’ masculine, either.

What that gave rise to, for a time, was the ‘woke’ man. It was a man who had all the fixins of a contemporary male figure: feminist, vocal, the antithesis of the ‘alpha’. It was the notion of a man on women’s side—championing them zealously, equality being the epicentre of their narrative. But as more men of this variant emerged, so did the murkiness beneath its shiny surface. Nainika, 27, dated that guy last year. “I really liked Prashant; I met him at a party, and we had a long conversation about feminism in pop culture and Gloria Steinem’s work. I was surprised he knew so much about it. We dated for about six months with me gliding through life, so happy to have found such a feminist and progressive partner, until we got into a fight about how it ‘wasn’t okay’ that the slit on my skirt went so high up.”

Perhaps it shouldn’t put every man’s intentions into doubt, but it certainly gave a lot of closet incels and misogynists a smart, protective shell to navigate the modern world with. It took a little while for the glass to start shattering with that masculinity trope; and for many women, it never took. “I watched her date this idiot and kept waiting for the other shoe to drop,” laughs Isha, Nainika’s best friend. “His enthusiasm seemed performative and under-informed.”

Myriad schools of thought began to emerge around masculinity in the late 2010s. The pushback to masculinity that came in the form of celebrities like Harry Styles or Timothée Chalamet, with their leaner physiques and boundary-breaking accoutrement, was lauded in the court of public opinion, but, as many street surveys across the US and Europe indicated, did not translate to actual attraction for most (cis-het) women. They found themselves drawn to their sensitivity, but also still partial to a certain ruggedness that continues to percolate from older ideas of maleness.

“I think some ideas of masculinity are unshakeable; it’s only normal to be drawn to them,” says Mina, a 27-year-old lawyer who laughs and mentions she’s dated a lot of ‘Khal Drogo’ types. “It might not be PC (politically correct) to say we still desire a degree of classic masculinity in men; it is just the toxic that needs to be shucked.”

One of the most popular theories of masculinity was RW Connell’s ‘four types’, found in her 1995 book Masculinities. The types she outlines are: Hegemonic, Complicit, Subordinate, and Marginalised. In order, the men who claim power over other men and women, passive men who exist under the umbrella of hegemonic masculinity and unable (or unwilling) to fulfil the role, men who don’t fit into the construction of hegemonic masculinity, and the way in which gender order interacts with other social orders (socioeconomic, ethnicity, race, etc).

Finding the zenith of ‘the masculine’ as a concept is trying to find a man that embodies the best parts of the four types of masculinity—and marrying them with the kind of empathic qualities you want in a partner; from a dating POV. 

The new masculine is not fighting for a place in the pecking order; it is disregarding that order in itself. It exists in a state of security that doesn’t ascribe to a hierarchy; both within genders and outside of it. The kind of man that is aspiring to an honest confidence in himself; which includes putting in the work, and acknowledging his shortcomings.

Anisha, 33, started dating a man because she found his vulnerability refreshing. “He was this 6’3” guy who had a very ‘alpha’ energy about him; I am usually a bit wary of that type,” she grimaces. “But, on our second date, he opened up about being bipolar. He said he thought it was only fair to let me decide if that was something I could take on, early on. My father is an undiagnosed narcissist who doesn’t believe in therapy, and has put my mother through hell. His ownership of the disorder endeared him to me; it means he’s working on it, and that he knows it carries emotional labour for his potential partners.”

It loops back to the same base idea. The core of the ‘masculine’ man is still the same: strength. But the definition of that strength has changed. It has shed its tenacious skin one of power and braveness with a veneer of the unbreakable, to unearth a 2.0 version from its démodé cocoon. A new masculinity that is valiant because it is raw, secure because it is accessible, safe because it is honest.

The masculine man of 2024 is just as strong as Heracles or Clint Eastwood, but he is that because he is full of the milk of human kindness. Because he doesn’t dismiss his flaws—he accounts for them and works on them. Because he understands that there is nothing stronger, or more powerful, than vulnerability.

This article originally appeared in Cosmopolitan India, March-April 2024 print issue.

Image credit: Pexels

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