What to do when you have a crush on two people at the same time?

As they say, the heart wants what it wants. But what happens when it falls for more than one person? Considering love is just a match or swipe away these days, crushing on two people might seem an ordinary thing. How, then, do you make a choice when you feel the same emotion for both people or two very different positive emotions for two people? Therapists suggest what you could do to get some clarity in your thoughts and to manage your emotions healthily. 

Paradox of choice

Dating apps often seem like shopping carts where you keep adding people you like until you decide who you want to go out with. The more you browse, the more confused you get because you have a thousand options at your disposal. This often results in becoming more greedy and picky than you actually are. You gradually stop accepting people for what they truly are and are more interested in finding out how many boxes the next one ticks. 

Here’s a low down on the reasons behind this behaviour and how this paradox of choice often culminates. 

Personal attraction patterns: It is completely possible and natural for one to be attracted to multiple people at the same time. This is influenced by various factors—physical appearances, personality traits, shared interests, or even emotional connection. You can be attracted to different people for different reasons. This also indicates that the person has unmet desires, and they seek to fill those gaps with the companionship of multiple partners—some provide different emotional support, some physical comfort, and other

Novelty and excitement: It can be enticing to have two or more options. Your brain might react positively to the thrill of pursuing both romantic interests. There is also a case of timing and circumstances with parallel connections being formed due to two, or more people entering your life at the same time. 

A fear of commitment and intimacy: Having feelings for multiple people could mean the person doesn’t want to commit to one person, and it can be emotionally challenging for some people. 

How does one get clarity?

Having a crush on two people at the same time is more common during teenage or young adult ages. But if the pattern continues in your adulthood, it may lead to instability and may come in the way of establishing a bond and long-lasting relationship. It may also make you commitment-phobic.

Having multiple interests at the same time doesn’t inherently doesn’t say anything definite about a person psychologically. It could indicate that you are open to exploring your emotions and have the capacity of forming connections with other people. It could also mean that you’re in the process of understanding your own needs and desires. Work towards developing more self-awareness and empathy towards yourself. Consider what each person represents to you, what is drawing you to them, what you are seeking from the relationship, and how you envision your future with them. More importantly, do any of those people share your life values and goals? 

You may also find yourself in a situation if you’ve not explored your needs or are not clear about what you want from life. If you’ve not figured yourself out, it is going to be difficult to figure out the kind of partner and commitment level you want. Taking the time out and processing these feelings really goes a long way. 

Inputs by Sherene Aftab, founder of Serene Hour Counselling & Career Advice Consultancy, Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, Sir H N Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai, Anureet Sethi, Founder, Trijog and Megha Chopra, Entrepreneur and Poet