Ways to make sex with your partner less predictable, according to an intimacy coach

Sex is supposed to be an amazing part of life, but in this rat race called life, often it stops being fun and exciting and starts to feel more like a chore. You come home to your person, at about the same time everyday, in the same room, end up doing the same few foreplay tricks and climax in the same way as the day before. One might give the couple the benefit of the doubt considering the constraints that come with getting a private moment, but there is a lot that they should do to make their sex life anything but predictable. 

Pallavi Barnwal, an intimacy coach and sex educator, gives us an insight into why end up making sex predictable and how to get out of the situation. 

The human brain is complex

Humans and their needs are complicated and exemplify contradiction every waking hour of the day. On the one hand, we yearn a sense of security, safety, closeness, and familiarity (this makes predictable sex a winner), while on the other hand, we seek thrill and adventure and often enjoy some amount of uncertainty and unpredictability. But at the end of the day, the mind often always prioritises and chooses the former.  

We make the same choices for sex. While we hope for and pursue unpredictability, we also want to feel safe about it. We are conditioned in a manner that has made us believe that unpredictability is a want, but if you dig deep and get in touch with your feelings, you’ll soon realise that it is a need. It always has been. 

Fantasising and role play

The sex is predictable because the conversations between the couple become mundane over a period of time. Many times, the two people involved are afraid of hurting each other and only speak about things at the surface level, which brings monotony in the relationship, which in turn affects the sex life. Remember, a lot about one’s desire comes from a position of vulnerability. You love being with a person because you can be yourself with them, but sometimes, to safeguard their feelings, one chooses to put across their feelings and opinions cautiously.

At such a time, you can fantasize while having sex to experience the thrill. Think about a celebrity crush, your favourite actor, a sportsperson, etc. A person’s desires are a grey area and by doing so, you are exploring new shades and experiences. This is a safe way to introduce novelty into your sex life without risking the dynamics of your relationship. If you and your partner are open about your sexual fantasies, you could indulge in role-play to spice things up. It’s time to give wings to your imagination by either dressing up as your favourite character or playing out a story from your favourite movie or TV show. The possibilities are endless. 

Make time for sex

The sex is predictable because the people doing it have put it on their to-do list or sometimes they don’t get the time to have sex. But sex is a lot more than intercourse, and one needs to make time to do the things they like and want. Change the way your brain is conditioned and train it to not just spend time spooning or cuddling, but also anticipating the act with your partner. If waiting to have sex with your partner doesn’t excite you, your relationship needs a lot of work. 

Give the place/room you have sex in a makeover

Changing the layout of the room you and your partner have sex in can make a small difference. You could shift certain furniture, have a different colour of the bed sheet, pillows, curtains, make a sex playlist, etc. When it comes to sex, focus on the subtleties instead of the intensities for those differences are the one that matters. 

For more insights from Pallavi Barnwal, Intimacy Coach, visit www.getintimacy.com