The self-love revolution: How it’s changing modern relationships

Remember when Jerry Maguire said, “You complete me,” and we all thought it was the sweetest thing you could say to someone? Today, at first we’d probably find it sweet or take it with a pinch of salt, because don’t we exaggerate a little, in love? But if the responsibility to complete someone would fall on us for real, it would truly petrify us! 

Want to know why this has changed? Enter, the self-love revolution.

We now live in a world where people are not rushing to get into relationships or waiting for another person to “complete” them. Today, there’s a significant movement toward self-love and personal growth. And yes, that changes how we approach dating.

Personal growth over a partnership

Over the past few years, there has been a surge in the desire to seek personal growth. We have been realising that we need to heal, at least to a decent extent, before entering a relationship. We care about knowing when we are seeking external validation, when we are emotionally unavailable, or whether we’ve dealt with our past trauma and baggage. So we don’t make all of this another person’s problem, which doesn’t really do good to the relationship either. People are no longer dumping their issues on each other and are seeking a deeper self-love journey, ensuring that they are in the right place for a relationship.

Redefining relationship dynamics

 

So how does this heightened awareness of the need for self-love and healing impact our dating choices? For starters, we try to date more mindfully. Women are breaking societal timelines dictated to us, like being married by a certain age or having kids by a specific time. They are prioritising personal growth and focusing on ensuring that if they marry, it’s with the right partner who truly aligns with them.

This, in itself, is raising the bar. People who commit to this journey find themselves not accepting the bare minimum. They’re in a place where they can communicate their needs clearly and walk away from red flags much more easily.

The old narrative of needing someone to complete you has been eliminated. The dynamic now between men and women who want to date is about finding someone who aligns with them and enriches their life. There’s less dependency, and it’s more about inspiring and empowering one another.

What’s the impact like?

The self-love revolution has also impacted the dating scene entirely. People are taking breaks from dating to focus on themselves. They are learning to first be able to enjoy their own company and ensuring the relationship they get into doesn’t totally consume them. Even on dates, asking someone what they do for their self-growth has become a popular topic.

What’s the catch?

 

Of course, there’s a catch! Because, let’s face it, when has dating ever been easy? The catch is, that as much as self-improvement is important, there’s a fine line between self-love and selfishness. The new-age love, while focused on balanced relationships, also loses the essence of togetherness. We allow our relationships to have two lives—one with each other and one on our own—as a way to subconsciously preserve our independence. It makes you wonder if it’s because the balance we are trying to create causes too much distance.

When it comes to the self-love revolution, when is too much self-love just too much? Or perhaps what we should be asking is, can we ever love someone fully without risking just a little bit of ourselves in the process?

Shahzeen Shivdasani is a relationship expert and millennial author of the book 'Love, Lust and Lemons'.

All images: Pexels

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