#SaneGirlEra: Do therapists tell horrible people that they are horrible?

Of course not, because no human is horrible. According to therapists, as far as my understanding goes, human beings are like sunsets. And as Carl Jung said, "When you see a sunset, you do not want to reduce the red a bit, increase the yellow a bit but see it in awe, as it unfolds!"

Therapy is a safe space for individuals to confront their innermost fears and struggles, and seek clarity and healing. The pursuit of honesty in therapy does not involve confronting clients with harsh judgments.

 

The goal of therapy

Therapy's efficacy relies on a delicate balance of empathy, honesty, and intervention; it is measured by the depth of insight and its ability to inspire change, not by harsh truths. Rather than labelling clients as "horrible," therapists aim to explore the underlying causes of their actions and encourage willful constructive change. The goal is not to point out flaws but to create an environment where clients can understand and modify their behaviour.

Therapists are guided by principles of non-judgment and unconditional positive regard, which means they do not label clients based on their past actions or perceived morality. Instead, therapists maintain a stance of wholehearted acceptance, while clients navigate their behaviours and their impact. The focus is on fostering self-awareness and growth rather than issuing moral verdicts.

 

What is the process?

When working with clients who have committed serious wrongs, therapists adopt a methodical approach to address their behaviour without resorting to labelling. The process involves helping clients examine their actions, understand the consequences, and reflect on their personal values. This method promotes genuine self-reflection and encourages clients to take responsibility for their actions in a way that is productive rather than punitive.

For example, if a client has caused significant harm, a therapist might facilitate discussions about the client’s motives, emotions, and the ripple effects caused by their actions. This approach involved guiding the client to see the broader impact of their behaviour for themselves and consider their options to move forward, rather than telling them they are bad.

The effectiveness of therapy is seen in the client’s ability to confront uncomfortable truths and walk past them slowly towards personal growth.

 

Constructive feedback that builds understanding

Therapists also navigate their own personal biases, While they strive for honesty, they do so in a way that supports the therapeutic process. Confrontation in therapy is about clarity and understanding, not about delivering judgments. By framing feedback in a constructive manner, therapists help clients engage with their issues more openly and productively.

The value of therapy lies not in its capacity to label clients with any disorder but in its ability to facilitate insight and transformation. It is in its ability to help individuals understand their actions and work towards meaningful change.

Therapists due to their education and training wear a different pair of glasses where there are no good and bad people in general but toxic behaviours that are influenced by their conditioning, childhood trauma, genetic make-up, and unconscious motives. Even the crimes of murder, sexual assault, and fraud are motivated by some need, motive, or trauma that is often out of the control of the person. A good therapist is able to see those behaviours and manage them with care for the best outcomes for the client and everyone involved in their environment. All behaviours can be modified and managed to allow the client to lead a healthy and well-adjusted life.

 

"When people accept themselves as they are, they change" - Carl Rogers

Sane Girl Era is our latest column featuring psychologist Chumki Bose, who pens down her expert advice to help Cosmo girls find solace and sanity amidst the chaos.

Bose is the chief psychologist at Mindtribe.in, who focuses on marriage, relationships, family dynamics, personality disorders, trauma-related psychological issues, anxiety, depression, and existential crises.

Also read: Expert-approved alternative forms of therapy for anxiety issues

Also read: A Beginner’s Guide to Therapy: Because It is a Thing You Can Do