Red flags that say you are seeing a bad therapist

Seeking professional help to deal with mental health issues is one of the best decisions. I, for one, wouldn’t be in the headspace I am today if it weren’t for my therapy a few years ago. While we don’t think twice before shelling out the big bucks on therapy sessions, it’s time to cast your eye on where you can go wrong—starting with the choice of therapist. 

Here’s how you can tell whether your therapist is a good one. Hear it from the experts themselves. 

The welcome is important

Body language is everything. When you enter the room, notice how they greet you and try to make you feel comfortable. You shouldn't be treated just like their next appointment—rushing through the conversation, constantly looking at the time or being fidgety are a few tell-tale signs. If their presence intimidates you and makes you uncomfortable sharing your feelings, know it is time to look for a new one.  

Crossing the thin line between advising and suggesting

If your therapy session ends up being a sermon or your therapist gives you unsolicited advice, it's time to quit. No one knows your situation better than you, and the therapist has to help you understand yourself—your thoughts, defences, and behavioural patterns—so you deal with situations in healthier ways. No one can do that for anyone. 

 

Red flags galore

The biggest red flag is when you feel like you have to prove something or justify your behaviours and thoughts. This usually happens when the therapist doesn't believe you and makes it apparent in their words or non-verbal behaviour. The second is when they don’t show interest when you talk or seem distracted and don’t remember the details you mentioned. 

Going around in circles

The therapist must allow you to express your feelings and help you resolve your problem. If they are empathetic towards you, but you don’t feel free of those emotions, it ends up being a cycle of catharsis with no results. It may help you feel less burdened but in no way will equip you to deal with the situation or similar problems. Remember, your therapist should not have a friendly chat with you, the session should involve a plan and a goal to work towards.

Stay true to your ethics

There have to be clear boundaries and you both should follow a code of conduct that maintains the sanctity of the client-therapist relationship. A good therapist will make you feel empowered. If you feel helpless without seeing the therapist or them giving you solutions, they aren't doing a good job.  

It’s about the client, and not the therapist

If the therapist only talks about themselves, your red flag detector should go off. Yes, there is an element of self-disclosure in therapy, but it is not about them. The hour of therapy is yours. Self-disclosure should not be confused with over-sharing. 

Your therapist needs to get you. You need to feel that the counsellor is listening to you, without any judgment. There is no concrete test, when you know, you know. 

Inputs by Sherene Aftab, founder of Serene Hour Counselling & Career Advice Consultancy and Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, Sir H N Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai