How to give your partner some space when you don’t want to

While no two relationships are the same, there are universally used phrases that people tell their partners that can cause their stomachs to start churning and cause their minds to leap to overthinking. One of the biggest examples of this is—‘I need some space’. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of this phrase then you know it feels like your heart will drop to your knees any second. Especially if you’re someone who doesn’t need space in a relationship. But of course, when your partner does, you have to honour that without asking a lot of questions. Even if you don’t want to. 

Okay, it’s rarely as dramatic as you imagine. A lot of the time, your partner might need space not because they are mad at you or because they are plotting a breakup. It might have nothing to do with you or your relationship, they might just need some time to themselves. So, the next time your partner says they will text you later because they don’t feel like talking then, think of the positive side of things. 

Space is very healthy in a relationship. It allows both of you to have lives outside the relationship and keeps you from getting extremely co-dependent. It is also a very effective tool to make up after a fight. Everyone needs some downtime or every argument will turn into a firefight. However, if your partner is asking for space for an extended period and it’s not what you want, it needs to be addressed until you both come on the same page.   

Start small   

When your partner asks you for some space, you don’t have to uproot your entire life and move five states over (we exaggerate for effect) to it to them. Sometimes small changes are enough, especially when giving space doesn’t come naturally to you. Creating these small habits and setting boundaries will allow both people in the relationship to feel more at ease. For instance, don’t call them every hour while they are at work or out with their friends. Trust that once they are free, they will reach out to you. 

Find out what ‘space’ means to them  

While some might want to keep their phone aside and just watch their favourite show for a while, others might want some more time to fix a problem they might be facing. And sure, sometimes it can be frustrating. Especially when you know you can help them out or make things better. But you have to let them do things their way and let them recharge instead of smothering them. 

You don’t need to understand why they need space just what space means to them and how much space they require. It’s up to your partner then to explain it all so both of you can come to a compromise that suits your relationship dynamics best. 

Keep communicating   

Okay, this is where a lot of people falter. Just because your partner is asking for some space don’t shut down on them out of spite or assume what they are thinking. This will only escalate matters. Communicate and make an effort to understand what they need. Once you’ve gotten all the information and made your thoughts heard as well, trust that they will come back once they’ve reset themselves. It’s tough but this means minimum text and calls, don’t even send them memes. Remember that the ability to communicate honestly and effectively requires practice and patience. 

Don’t ask for an explanation  

No matter how hurt or dejected you’re feeling, getting into the ‘why’ when your partner says they need space will make matters worse. So, instead of asking for an explanation and making them feel judged, listen actively and don’t press the subject. They will talk to you when they are ready. 

Do your own thing   

We understand that giving your partner space is not always easy. There may also come a time when they need space and you need an extra dose of affection. However, once you’ve both come on the same page, take this time to focus on yourself. Meet up with a friend, take up a hobby or join a class. Things will go back to normal in no time. 

Feature image: Netflix

Also read: Out with love languages, it’s time to learn your partner’s stress language

Also read: Zodiac signs that don’t like being single