How to flirt at a bar, party, or cafe

Whether you're at a bar or a café, there’s always that one person who catches your eye and leaves you breathless. In that moment, the world fades, and all you can think about is how you wish you'd met them sooner. But with a thousand thoughts racing through your mind, how do you approach them? Do you play it cool or go bold? This is your make-or-break moment, and we’re here to guide you so you don’t miss your chance. Let’s start with the basics.

Eye contact

Your eyes can say what words cannot. Making eye contact lets someone know they're on your mind, but balance is key. Stare too long, and you might seem creepy; too little, and they might think you're not interested. If someone holds your gaze and leaves you star-struck, repeat it a few times to be sure—then take it as a sign you can approach them.

The timing of approaching them

Before approaching someone, take a moment to observe their body language. If they've made eye contact with you and/or are smiling, they might be open to having a conversation. This is where you muster your confidence and approach them with a relaxed, friendly demeanour. Be confident but not arrogant—there’s a fine line between the two.

 

What to say while flirting and what not to say

When starting a conversation with someone you want to flirt with, your approach is key. You only have a few seconds, so make them feel at ease. Keep your body language open—don’t cross your arms or look too serious. Begin with a casual, specific compliment, like about their laugh or smile, but make sure it feels genuine and not too personal. Avoid generic comments they’ve likely heard before.

Banter and being normal

If you're the fun-loving type, a light tease or playful banter can set a more fun and flirty tone. Just make sure that it’s all in good fun. Once you’ve broken the ice, introduce yourself and chat about something you both share in common—like the café, the bar, or having a great time. Simple topics often work wonders in keeping the conversation flowing. 

Be respectful and ask if you can sit next to them/hang around

After some chit-chat, ask them if you can join them. It shows that you are interested in them and want to continue the conversation while being polite at the same time. 

 

Flirt your way by reading body language and signals

To build rapport and keep the conversation smooth, subtly mirror their body language, but make sure you do it in a way that doesn't seem like you’re copying them. Pay attention to their responses; if they’re asking questions or smiling, keep talking. If their answers are short or distracted, they might not be interested. If they’re leaning in, maintaining eye contact, and engaging actively, they might be receptive to flirting. If the conversation is going well and they seem interested, a light touch, such as a tap on the shoulder or a gentle brush of the arm, can be appropriate. You’d know this if you show interest in them and display genuine curiosity by being an active listener. 

High points and exits

Cafes, parties, and bars are crowded places, and you never know when you’ll see someone again.  The last thing you want is to miss your chance to make a move, so make sure you create a high point in your interaction by asking the person out in a way that they might not say no. You could talk about a new place that’s opened up and that you'd like to visit, hinting at the idea of going together. Then, make your actual ask, which is more likely to be accepted by this point. Know when to wrap up the conversation by suggesting continuing it elsewhere or exchanging contact details. For example, “I’ve really enjoyed talking with you. Would you like to grab a coffee sometime?”

Lead image: Netflix

Also read: Flirt like a pro with TikTok’s hot new ‘Triangle Method’

Also read: 153 fun and flirty questions to ask a guy