Detached dating might be stopping you from having a real AF relationship

We’ll be the first ones to admit, modern dating is a minefield. Between endless scrolling on dating apps—called relationshopping—being embroiled in situationships, and flitting in and out of casual relationships, it can be quite overwhelming. Turns out, there is one more unhealthy pattern to add to the mix—detached dating. And you might not even be aware you’re doing it. 

What is detached dating?

In detached dating, one or both the parties are not emotionally invested and are together without actually connecting on a deeper level. If most of your romantic encounters have been short-term and casual, where you’ve deliberately avoided ‘falling in too deep’, you may have experienced detached dating. 

What are the signs of detached dating?
 

Someone who is aloof and emotionally detached may avoid getting vulnerable by putting up a wall. They will also want to be completely independent and not let people get too close to them. Some of the biggest markers of detached dating are keeping things casual, preferring hook-ups, and dating multiple people at a time to avoid getting too emotionally attached to one person, not having to invest a lot of their energy or being committed. 

While in a relationship, this could look like avoiding conversations and situations that need one to be vulnerable and open. It could also look like holding back from being completely invested or shutting down the moment you feel it’s getting too real.

Reason why you might not be emotionally invested in your relationship

We hate to break it, but past break-ups and relationships might be the biggest reason someone is emotionally detached while dating. Sometimes, what hurts us doesn’t make us stronger; it makes us avoidant of real feelings. One’s past trauma might make them believe they are going to get hurt, betrayed, or rejected again. Thus, they avoid being emotionally involved in their next romantic encounter. 

Is being emotionally detached bad?

Indulging in detached dating might seem harmless, but it can lead to hurting yourself—you will not be able to grow emotionally as a person, forever seeking surface-level relationships instead of something deeper and more intimate. It can also have an adverse effect on your long-term relationship, especially if one of you is seeking a closer connection. 

How can you fix the issue?

By finding the root cause

First things first—explore what is causing you or your partner to act detached. Is it a past relationship that ended on a bad note? Is it because of a childhood where they didn’t have a safe space to express their true feelings, making them emotionally unavailable today? Is there another life trauma that is the culprit? It’s important to identify the root cause, so you can work on resolving it together. 

By communicating 

By far, the most essential step in resolving any issue in relationships is honest communication. Start simple by discussing how you’re going to approach the problem and try to support them instead of being judgemental or accusatory. Go into the conversation with an honest and kind mind, and do regular check-ins to see how they’re faring.