'Made In Heaven' actor, doctor and transgender activist Trinetra Haldar Gummaraju on vacillating between self-love and insecurities

You’ve seen her (and perhaps fell in love with her like we did) as Meher in Made In Heaven season 2. In her own words, Trinetra Haldar Gummaraju’s journey has been "nothing short of a wild adventure", and we’re all for it. At the recently held India Today Conclave, she took centre stage while speaking about her flirtations with self-worth until it became rooted in her being, her unending ambitions, and what she wants for herself. In an intimate conversation with her, we delved deeper into her sense of self, her definition of beauty, and more. Gummaraju brings with her an inherent belief in making your own choices without conforming to the norm. Here’s what she had to say. 

Cosmopolitan India: What is your definition of beauty and how has it evolved over the years? 

Trinetra: I was very young when I was just starting on social media and just being on the Internet. So, a lot of my opinions about beauty were influenced by the general perception of what it means to be beautiful. But over the years, through the transition, you learn there are things you can change and there are things that you can’t and shouldn’t—and that’s absolutely fine. Over time, and especially after Made In Heaven, and the switch to acting, I realised that everybody has their own definition of beauty and the more you try and conform, the more you will feel lost. The idea of beauty has become more internal than external. On days that I get to make myself at least three cups of adrak (ginger) chai, I feel very beautiful. 

Cosmopolitan India: What was your biggest takeaway from playing Meher in Made In Heaven?

Trinetra: Meher is someone who really has a sense of self-worth. Yes, she is dealing with poor experiences and is treated poorly by a lot of people around her, but she knows when to walk away from things that don’t suit her. I like a woman who knows her worth. Playing that role was very cathartic because it makes you want to be that and makes you want to have it all. It gives you a sense of self-worth and even if love doesn’t come your way, so be it; you can be your own person. 

Cosmopolitan India: Three words to describe your life’s journey so far? 

Trinetra: Wild, wild, wild. 

Cosmopolitan India: What is the most common judgment that you’ve faced, and how did you learn to overcome it? 

Trinetra: So many. As I’ve transitioned, the judgments have also transitioned. When I went from being a doctor to an actor, people said: "you’re wasting a seat". No one says that to engineers; Engineers change professions every single day! For me, it's become really important to stay true to what I want to do and it doesn’t matter as there will always be people, sometimes from your own circles, that have opinions. But if you’re unhappy and something is not suiting you, walk away. If there is something that you think you’re really passionate about, then go for it. Life doesn’t have to have a linear trajectory. 

Cosmopolitan India: You’re truly multi-hyphenate. You’re a doctor, you’re a creator and an actor. What drives your purpose and what is your vision as an artist? 

Trinetra: I would like to have a filmography that has very diverse characters—even if they are trans, very diverse trans characters from different backgrounds. Secondly, I do wish that we hit a certain point of equality where, whether you’re trans or cis, it doesn’t matter, and if cis actors can play trans roles, it can work the other way around, too. 

Cosmopolitan India: What is self-love to you?

Trinetra: First of all, this whole idea of you having this uniform level and sense of self-love on a daily basis is untrue—nobody has that. No matter how accepting you are for your skin, I’m not that person. I wake up on some days with debilitating insecurities and that’s normal. It’s always a work in progress with everybody, and having done work that I am proud of has allowed me to love myself in ways that looking a certain way did not allow me to.