5 must-read books to rediscover self-love after a brutal breakup

While there's no one-size-fits-all formula for healing from a breakup, a pint of ice cream and a sappy rom-com seem to be the preferred approach for most women. And why not, these movies reflect the possibility of what could have been had you not broken up. They present a rosy, romanticised version of life, which let's be honest, hardly ever happens. All they do is give us hope and occasionally the courage to give love another shot, which is not such a bad idea, really. 

The real problem is the plot of these movies. They tend to follow a unidirectional path: Girl meets boy, they spend time together, fall in love, one of them experiences a crisis followed by a saturated, extremely cinematic montage of some serious self-discovery, and they find their way back to each other but not before they "discover" themselves. Now the order of these events may differ, but the path to a typical, happy ending, is always preceded by the discovery of love for oneself—the ultimate ace up our sleeves. Now we're not saying that discovering yourself is how you can get back with your ex or find your next beau. But you do need to spend some quality time with yourself and heal from the hurt in order to really move on. 

Here are some books you can read to experience your very own sepia-toned montage of self-discovery, with The Devil Wears Prada’s ‘Suddenly I See’ (sung by KT Tunstall) playing in the background, giving you all the character and enthusiasm you need!

Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton

Finding oneself is a step that comes much later, as some of our favourite rom-coms depict. The initial steps involve bad dates, heartbreakers, lost jobs, and failed interviews according to British journalist and author Dolly Alderton. Alderton narrates her journey toward self-discovery, sharing anecdotes from her 20s, which included painful heartaches, professional humiliations, and seemingly hopeless breakups. She offers her two cents on what this journey toward self-discovery constitutes, culminating in learning to love herself, which is the final destination.

A Gentle Reminder by Bianca Sparacino 

This one’s for all poetry lovers. A Canadian author and poet, Sparacino takes the reader through a journey of self-exploration and resilience, traversing different themes across the spectrum of the book: Beginnings, Love, Heartache, and Endings. Sparacino urges readers to embrace life with its ups and especially its downs and talks about how loving oneself is the first step to learning how to love others unconditionally. Published in 2021, the book is an anthology of poems that breaks down acceptance, purpose, and love.

Come Home to Yourself by Déjà Rae

A writer by profession, Déjà Rae specialises in themes of enlightenment. As the title suggests, Rae guides readers through the labyrinth that life is, imparting wisdom from her own experiences on transformation, letting go, uncovering authenticity, and revelling in solitude. Through her book, Rae takes on the role of an elder sister, reminding us that we cannot be the best version of ourselves if we don't learn from our worst experiences. She ultimately reminds us that the love we're looking for is much closer than we thought; it is right inside us. 

Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything by Elizabeth Gilbert

A widely popular and often recommended read, Eat, Pray, Love deserves a mention. This book is a memoir of the author’s personal experiences as she travels around Italy, India, and Indonesia, in search of the A to Z of a good life (whatever that is). What she ends up finding is fulfilment, mental peace, and love for herself. The book is iconic for a reason and it's not because of the film adaptation starring Julia Roberts and Javier Bardem, but rather the lesson it imparts on looking within ourselves whenever we feel entangled and lost within the tumultuous knots of life.

What a Time to Be Alone: The Slumflower's Guide to Why You Are Already Enough by Chidera Eggerue