Every relationship experiences phases where one needs to rekindle the spark every now and then. While we appreciate earnest efforts to improve things, one shouldn’t ignore the obvious signs that things may never improve. Being attracted to your partner strongly indicates a healthy relationship, but it requires reciprocation in order to thrive.
Despite your desire for intimacy, your partner may not be physically and sexually attracted to you. If you’re unsure, these are some tell-tale signs to look out for.
You’re not having sex as often as you used to
A drastic decrease or complete absence of sex between you and your partner should be the first sign. Are they constantly making excuses every time you want to have sex? If yes, then you’re not wrong to wonder whether or not they're attracted to you anymore. You may initially notice subtle shifts like a lack of intimacy, compliments, and/or the way they go about the act of sex. Physical affection like hugs, kisses, and hand-holding may decrease, and they may avoid initiating intimacy altogether to prevent you from getting turned on.
Moreover, they may opt for masturbation over having sex with you; this means that they want to feel pleasure—just not with you. They will make sex sound like a routine, almost like a task that they have to complete. Sex then becomes an obligation; something you have to do instead of want to. When this happens, bid farewell to the passion and intimacy that you once had.
She’s flirting, just not with you
Flirting is a healthy way to foster intimacy in a relationship. If your partner isn’t flirting with you, they may be losing interest; they will stop flirting with you and even change the topic if you do so. And worse, may even flirt with other people. Now falsely accusing your partner of cheating or flirting could worsen the relationship, so be sure to proceed after gathering all the proof you need.
Less effort, more distance, more fights
We do things for the people we love. We love people because we’re attracted to them. If your partner doesn’t find you attractive, their efforts to initiate sex may not be as evident. They may not plan activities together and might not even want to do the things you both did before. It’s not just about finding you attractive, there may be other aspects of you as well that make them want to cut ties altogether.
It’s worrying when your partner starts spending more time away from you and is constantly making excuses to not have sex, meet, or spend any time with you. This behaviour can lead to them becoming emotionally distant and cold, resulting in frequent arguments over trivial matters. Your partner may exhibit hostility as they try to evade physical intimacy, causing everything you do to upset them. Each of these behaviours are clear indicators of them not being attracted to you anymore.
They’ve had an honest conversation with you about it
The clearest indication that someone is no longer sexually attracted to you is when they openly communicate it. The first thing to remember is to not self-condemn. Regardless of their motives, both you and your partner must confront the issue. It’s crucial to actively listen to their perspective, acknowledge their feelings, and refrain from dismissing them. Allowing your personal emotions to obstruct this process may hinder resolution, which is why it is crucial to remain open and receptive to find a solution together.
How do you fix things?
Talking always helps. Now that you’re aware your partner isn’t sexually attracted to you, it’s time to address the issue and reach a solution. While talking about it might sound like a blow to your ego, remember that the conversation is about understanding their feelings. Avoid anger and defensiveness and express your concerns with examples like them not flirting with you, avoiding physical touch, etc. Their lack of attraction could stem from the fact that the honeymoon phase has ended or something you’re doing during sex that they don’t like. Sometimes, it might not even have anything to do with you; it could also be personal stressors like work or side effects of some medication. Talking is just one part of the solution; action and mutual effort are what will make a relationship healthy. If your partner isn’t willing to work on it, it may signal the end of the relationship with a breakup being a matter of when rather than if.
That said, there are some problems and relationships that are beyond repair. If their lack of sexual desires continues resulting in your self-esteem taking a beating, it’s time to probably consider if this is a relationship you want to be in. You shouldn’t have to face and tolerate emotional abuse or infidelity, just because they don’t want you sexually.
Also read: Signs you and your partner are sexually compatible
Also read: Should you be in a sexless relationship?
Also read: Tell-tale signs that your partner may be cheating on you
