How to improve your kissing game to enhance your relationship

You may have kissed a lot of people in your life which probably earned you the compliment, "You’re a great kisser". And that boost of confidence is perhaps what led you to believe that you were born with innate talent and didn’t need to get better. Now when it comes to kissing, some of us are great kissers, some—may be good kissers, but there exists an unlucky bunch that is simply terrible at kissing. And if you're wondering what we’re talking about, then there's a possibility you fit into the latter.

"Kissing, we share one breath, open the sealed fortress of our body to our lover. We shelter under a warm net of kisses. We drink from the well of each other's mouths. Setting out on a kiss caravan of the other's body, we map the new terrain with our fingertips and lips, pausing at the oasis of a nipple, the hillock of a thigh, the backbone's meandering riverbed. It is a kind of pilgrimage of touch, which leads us to the temple of our desire. For the most part, our leftover puritanism doesn't condone mutual nudity before we've kissed... There is an etiquette, a protocol, even in impetuous, runaway sex. But kissing can happen right away, and if people care for each other then it's less a prelude to mating than a sign of deep regard. There are wild, hungry kisses or there are rollicking kisses, and there are kisses fluttery and soft as the feathers of cockatoos. It's as if, in the complex language of love, there were a word that could only be spoken by lips when lips touch, a silent contract sealed with a kiss. One style of sex can be bare bones, fundamental and unromantic, but a kiss is the height of voluptuousness, an expense of time and an expanse of spirit in the sweet toil of romance, when one's bones quiver, anticipation rockets, but gratification is kept at bay on purpose, in exquisite torment, to build a succulent crescendo of emotion and passion." 

—A Natural History of the Senses, Diane Ackerman

When was the last time you enjoyed an intense make-out session with your partner? When was the last time you experienced a beautiful, long kiss without any objective or goal in mind other than to experience the joy and pleasure of kissing in itself? If it’s been too long, don't worry, there are ways to bring back the magic of passionate kissing. 

Kissing is an important part of any romantic relationship. In fact, when sex disappears from a marriage, the passionate act of kissing also disappears. And if you think couples who kiss each other, stay together, you’re right.

If you feel like you're not kissing your partner enough, you ought to do it more often because it makes a world of difference. In fact, studies have found that this seemingly simple act is an essential part of happy, long-term relationships while research suggests that passionate kissing is a good indicator of happiness in a relationship. It is found that people who enjoy having sex with their partners kiss passionately and people who do not enjoy having sex with their partners do not kiss passionately.

The difference that kissing makes

That is an obvious truth—if you like having sex with your partner, your kisses will be more passionate and if not, then the sex isn't great either. And if you want that to change, then initiating longer, more passionate kisses as often as possible, is key to improving your relationship and enjoying more fulfilling sex. 

A great way to connect with them emotionally, physically, and mentally

Kissing is a great way to assure your partner that you connect with them emotionally, mentally, and physically. A very simple act in itself, kissing can help ignite moments of intimacy and a deeper connection between the two of you. With the bond strengthening, you and your partner are much more vulnerable and intimate with each other. Moreover, kissing assures your loved one that you’re there to support, care and love them. With trust being the cornerstone of a relationship, kissing can help you strengthen your bond further. 

Kissing releases ‘feel-good’ hormones like oxytocin and dopamine that keep you happy, chirpy, and stress-free. If you'd do what it takes to eliminate stress in order to maintain your mental and physical health, why not indulge in the intense act of kissing?  

The appetiser before the main course 

With the right hormones released, your mind and body are in the best mood to start seducing your partner before you get down and dirty. When done well, you won’t even realise when a hot and steamy make-out session leads to your clothes coming off and being all over each other.

So how do you introduce more kissing into your relationship?

Try to relax your lips: Kissing can make you nervous, which causes most people to tighten their lips while kissing which isn't fun for either of you. Relax your lips while kissing so you can feel sensations more fully while your partner can enjoy the feeling of your soft lips. Remember to linger and stay for a while, paying attention to all of your senses, feeling the textures, taste, temperature, and contours of your partner’s lips. 

Contrary to our Bollywood idea of romance, you don’t have to feel immensely passionate to kiss but once you are in the act, don't be shy, bring in the passion, really notice and appreciate your partner when kissing them, and be sure to be fully present in the moment; this can create some truly passionate moments that are just as delightful!

Inputs by Pallavi Barnwal, Sexuality Coach and founder of www.getintimacy.com