Why it hurts when your partner doesn’t post you on their social media—and what to do about it

Few things in life are better than being in a long-term committed relationship, where you and your partner can cherish every moment together without any excuse. In the date and time that we live in, this offline and organic feeling does have a good chance to translate in the online and digital world with the urge to tell our friends, followers, and the world about the partner and relationship being a constant thought. Things can take a turn for the worse if you’re the one posting about all those lovely dates and vacations only to see no signs of yourself on their feed. 

You're a part of their life. And social media is an extension of it. A lack of acknowledgement and validation on social media can trigger feelings of insecurity making you feel undervalued in the relationship. Moreover, you may end up feeling like they are embarrassed to publicly acknowledge you as their partner. These thoughts can make you doubt your partner’s level of commitment, especially when you witness other couples go about posting themselves on their social media. 

Talk to your partner about this

This conversation will help you realise that people function on different wavelengths; not everyone may be as enthusiastic about sharing content that features their partner. Remember that this is in no way an indicator of their feelings towards you. It is important to talk about how you feel and why you’re disappointed, without making the conversation seem one-sided. You need to consider whether your partner is comfortable sharing information about their relationship online and try to understand their reason for it, such as the people following them on social media. Another reason for them not letting the world know about you is because they might be in professions where maintaining a certain image would be more beneficial to them. 

Talk about what and how often you want to share on social media. This helps clear the air, set boundaries and expectations, and strengthen your relationship. There will always be moments when your partner won't be comfortable sharing things, so you must learn and understand that. Just have a conversation and ask them directly. I see that you post a lot, and since I'm a part of your life why am I not there. You will get an answer. If they're evading it, that should tell you what you need to know. Maybe their level of connection and commitment isn't as high, one that meets your expectations. 

What you must never forget, and we can’t stress this enough, is that what you do with your partner in real life is what defines the relationship and not the likes and comments on your feed. 

Inputs by Sherene Aftab, Psychologist and founder at Serene Hour Counselling & Career Advice Consultancy, and Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, Sir HN Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai

Lead image credit: Netflix

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