Why introducing a vibrator during partnered sex is a great idea

Many men struggle with stimulating their partner's clit, which leads to the big Os. While one can keep trying and working towards better pleasing their partners, there are other ways to make the foreplay and lovemaking more fun and long-lasting for both. Enter sex toys. These pleasure-enhancing devices are the fun elements you didn't know you needed during your hot sesh. 

IMBesharam, a leading sex toy store, conducted The Great Indian Sex Survey in 2021 and  64.6 per cent of respondents mentioned that the primary thing going on in their mind while having sex is ‘if they are pleasing their partner they want to’, and sex toys help you focus just on that.  

You might think that it’s an added member to the equation, but it’s far from that says Pallavi Barnwal, Sexuality Coach. Using a sex toy with your partner can take the pressure off of them. While clitoral massagers and g-spot vibrators are super helpful in helping a woman orgasm, there are cock rings and chastity cages available that help men edge their orgasms and last longer in bed. For the queer community and as well as for heterosexual couples, toys like strap-ons and hollow dildos are helpful to stimulate penetration, even if the partner isn’t erect, faces early ejaculation or doesn’t have penile anatomy.

Sex toys are not just for singles

One of the biggest misconceptions about sex toys is that they're only for singles. But many people in relationships use sex toys it doesn't say anything about how satisfied or dissatisfied you are with your partner. It only means you like the sensation and stimulation that sex toys offer. So just like role-playing or wearing costumes can be a fun addition to sex, using a sex toy enhances the experience with your partner. It puts more options on the table.

Sex toys are amazing and addictive (in a good sense like chocolate, Netflix), and are guaranteed to give you more orgasms—after all, they are backed by science, technology, and research. It can do everything from stimulating you to giving you toe-curling, thudding orgasms. 

But understand, the same kind of heightened pleasure with a person might take more effort, attention, and skill; sometimes, couple sex is not about heightened orgasms, but about connection, closeness, feeling desired, and feeling loved. 

Should couples use sex toys during the session?

Most people are comfortable using sex toys on their own, but feel intimidated about the idea of using one with a partner. It may seem tricky to bring it up to your partner because you might worry it'll send the wrong message or may hurt their feelings, but this is far from the truth. Many women enjoy the sensations that sex toys create, so why not experience that amount of pleasure with your partner, too? If you typically use a vibrator on your own to have an orgasm, using one with a partner will make you that much more likely to have an orgasm with them. That said, there's a lot of vibrator fear-mongering out there. But if you do want to experience different types of orgasms, you do not always have to use the vibrator. It's a good idea to mix it up.

In fact, given the discreetness with which sexual pleasure is approached in Indian society, it’s a myth that couples are not including sex toys in their intimate playtime. IMBesharam shared the following customer insights that highlights on 'how popular sex toys are among couples'.

“From our customers’ preferences, we discovered we have sold ₹18L+ worth of toys with Energy and Performance products topping the list, followed by sex-positional supports. Can you believe how kinky India is?”

However, the concept isn’t mainstream for a lot of partners, especially men. Introducing a sex toy in bed may seem like admitting they are ‘incapable in bed’ which isn’t true, of course. About 75 per cent of respondents in Sex Survey 2021 admitted that they have never used a sex toy with their partner, but the continuous efforts of sex educators such as Pallavi Barnwal, Khushboo Bistt, Dr. Cuterus and many others have brought the results down. Around 60 per cent of the respondents later admitted that they would want to buy a sex toy for themselves and their partner.

“In my practice as a sex coach, I have seen married women as likely to use vibrators as single women. When people are single, many put sex on the back burner, and don’t think about it a lot. However, women in a relationship typically think about sex more, and if their partners are not around or if the woman wants more sex than the man they’re involved with (libido mismatch is quite common), vibrators come in very handy,” says Barnwal. 

Why people should not feel that their privacy is intruded or their ego is hurt

It’s not so much about ego than the feeling of guilt that the partner may feel when using toys. They could be helpless with some actions of the body and that's where we are working to educate our customers via various posts on how important it is to open up a conversation with partners and use toys.

Why people should understand that a vibrator is just a mere device that can improve their sex life

A lot of women genuinely have orgasmic difficulties. It has nothing to do with how a man or a partner makes love to his partner. Many women need more intense stimulation than fingers or tongue can provide others and cannot have orgasms without the intense stimulation of a vibrator. Using sex toys can provide such women a greater likelihood of orgasm, greater sexual desire, easier arousal, more lubrication (meaning less discomfort during intercourse), and better sexual satisfaction. In the classic self-help book, Becoming Orgasmic, sex therapists, Julia Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo recommend using vibrators as part of the learning process.

Sex toys simplify this process of a woman reaching an orgasm. Couples can make this orgasmic difficulty as a deeper conversation centering their pleasure. Couples can talk about the kinds of erotic play they enjoy and coach each other about what kind of stimulation technique turns them on. Show your partner how to use the vibrator as there's a lot more to using a vibrator than just turning it on and holding it in place. Use it on your partner, too; vibrators can feel good for men too.

Just keep reminding yourself that there is no shame in wanting to explore in the bedroom, and that includes the use of sex toys. Just think about it as trying something new in the bedroom together like trying a new sex position or having sex in a different place. Focusing on this being like a shared experience between the two of you. 

The most important thing to know

Remember that vibrators are an addition, not a replacement. Sex toys can be a lot of fun to play with, but they are never going to replace a living, breathing, human being. You can't have a relationship with a vibrator. When you're using a vibrator with a partner, the vibrator is there to heighten the sensation that you feel with your partner, not replace it. You're having that experience with them. So if your partner does feel self-conscious at all, just remind them that a vibrator could never replace how good they make you feel. 

Inputs by Pallavi Barnwal, Sexuality Coach and founder of www.getintimacy.com and Jenny Lapii - Brand Manager, IMbesharam.com