Why do we soft-launch our partners on social media but hard-delete them after a breakup?

While we often talk about emotions, we tend to overlook their intensity. Many people love unconditionally, only for the relationship to end, with feelings of dislike, disgust, and even hate reaching the same level as their once-positive emotions. With social media now an extension of our lives, this "all in or all out" mindset plays out in two ways. First, there's the soft-launch—dropping subtle hints that there's someone new without fully going public. On the other hand, hard-deleting an ex means selecting all digital memories and wiping them out. Both actions can aid the healing process. Soft-launching allows you to share happiness without full exposure while deleting gives you space to move on, free from reminders of the past.

What’s soft-launching? 

It’s a term used to describe the subtle way people introduce their partners on social media. Instead of making a bold, public announcement, people share cryptic captions, post pictures that only show a glimpse of their partner, or tag them in group photos. This allows them to introduce somebody to the world without fully committing or declaring it to the world.

Along with being less risky and more manageable, this approach allows people to maintain privacy during the early stages of dating when they want to keep the relationship under wraps while giving friends and followers a glimpse of this new person in their life. It's a way to test the waters without having to define the relationship or meet external expectations. This way, two people can keep things low-key and go with the flow, without the pressure of making it official too soon.

What’s hard-deleting after a breakup? 

Emotions such as anger, hurt, and grief drive people to cut ties after a breakup. Removing all reminders helps them reclaim emotional control to distance themselves from painful memories. After all, when it comes to a former relationship, most people want nothing to do with their ex—both offline and online; out of sight is out of mind. When it comes to social media, hard-deleting means removing every single trace of the relationship from your profile—unfollowing or blocking them, deleting photos, and messages. Long story short, you’re starting with a clean slate in order to heal and move on. This way, you shift the focus from them to you. 

There are several reasons why people go all out and delete stuff about their relationship after a break-up. For starters, removing any such reminder of them helps in emotional healing and getting their head cleared. Secondly, the deleting of such content helps reduce any remaining feelings for the ex and allows one to focus on themselves and their personal growth. Breakups often leave individuals feeling out of control, and by taking down posts or untagging photos, they reclaim some of that control and set clear boundaries. There is no question of electively deleting content; you say goodbye to them and everything that’s a reminder of them. Plus, only deleting a few things could send them mixed signals, so many choose to completely wipe the slate clean to avoid confusion and fully close that chapter.

Inputs by Sherene Aftab, Psychologist and founder at Serene Hour Counselling & Career Advice Consultancy, and Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, Sir HN Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai

Lead image: Netflix

Also read: Caption ideas to successfully soft launch your partner on social media

Also read: Everything you need to know about soft launching your partner on your social media