What is deep-throating? Everything to know about this advanced oral sex act

So you’ve mastered the fine art of the blow job and you’re ready to take your oral sex game up a notch. Hello, my intrepid cocksuckers (not derogatory), you’ve come to the right place. Welcome to Fellatio 201: Intro to Deep-Throating.

So what is deep-throating? First and foremost, it’s a skill, an art, and, low-key, kind of a flex. More specifically, it’s an oral sex act in which you take your partner’s entire penis (or a dildo/strap-on) as far into your mouth as it will go. “Depending on the length of the penis, it can also enter past the mouth, deep into the throat—hence the name,” says sex educator Lisa Finn, an expert for Babeland. If you are deep-throating “successfully” in the ~classical~ sense, “You won’t see any part of your partner’s penis head or shaft,” adds Cosmo’s ‘Navigating Non-Monogamy’ columnist Zachary Zane, author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto. “All of their penis will be in your mouth and throat.”

It’s important to note that deep-throating is something of an advanced blow job technique, which means it’s probably not a move you’re gonna want to attempt the first time you ever slob on a knob. Even more importantly, not everyone will enjoy deep-throating, and some people might not even be able to do it at all—which is totally fine. As is true of all sex things all the time: if you don’t like it, don’t do it. Rest assured that you can still give one hell of a blow job without becoming a full-on sword swallower. Not to mention, no two dicks are exactly alike and neither are any two throats, and some penis-throat combos are simply going to lend themselves better to deep-throating than others. “Some penises are so massive, so thick, they’re going to be nearly impossible to deep-throat,” says Zane. So even if you’re the most enthusiastic, D1 deep-throater out there, you may not be able to swallow every cock you see. Such is life!

Disclaimers aside, if deep-throating is something you are (or think you could be) into, there are many ways to master this technique—and make it more comfortable/pleasurable for everyone involved. Read on for everything you could possibly want to know about deep-throating, from how to do it, to best positions, to expert tips and tricks for beginners and experienced head-givers alike.

How do you deep-throat someone?

To deep-throat a penis, you begin by performing oral sex the way you normally would, then bring the penis all the way into your mouth as far as it will go—often into and/or against the back of the throat, depending on the length of the penis in question, says Finn.

As you might imagine, this can (and often does) activate the gag reflex. “This can be unpleasant for some, but pleasurable for others,” says certified sex and relationships psychotherapist Gigi Engle, a sex expert at LGBTQIA+ dating app, Taimi. And while choking/gagging can all be part of the deep-throating experience (especially if you’re engaging with it in a kinky, Dom/sub way), the key to deep-throating is to relax the throat muscles and suppress the gag reflex.

“Your body's response is to gag and push out your partner’s penis from your throat because, essentially, your body thinks it’s choking,” says Zane. “But with practice and breathing, you can get used to the sensation of having a penis lingering in the back of your throat.”

While it’s always a good idea to start slow rather than immediately inhaling a full schlong, it’s especially important for deep-throating beginners. Carol Queen, Phd, in-house sexologist at Good Vibes recommends newbies start out by first getting comfortable with having a penis in your mouth. “Pleasure it in any way it feels good for you. Play around so it feels familiar and you have a sense of how it feels and responds when getting erect (you can start sucking when it’s still soft!).” Queen also recommends asking your partner for feedback/instruction so you can tailor your approach as you go. “When you are ready, hold the base and guide the penis to the back of your mouth and into your throat.”

Once it’s back there, you can continue to perform oral sex as you normally would, just, well, deeper! Some receiving partners might also enjoy just holding their cock at the back of your throat or even taking over the thrusting themselves. This is known as throat-fucking and is definitely a more advanced move that’s best done with a trusted partner. In addition to being more physically intense (as you now have less control over the depth and pacing), throat-fucking also adds a layer of Dom/sub dynamic to the situation, which ups the intensity and is definitely something that should be discussed before anyone’s penis goes anywhere near anyone else’s throat.

Best positions for deep-throating

You can deep-throat a penis in pretty much any position you’d normally go down on one. However, it’s often easier to take the penis deeper in positions where your throat is elongated/matches the natural curve of the penis in question.

“The most important thing to remember when it comes to positions: Most penises have some degree of curve to them,” says Queen. “The throat, too, has a curve. Make them match!” Because no penises are exactly alike, it may take some trial and error to find the perfect deep-throating position that works for you and any given partner. But here are some options worth giving a whirl.

On your knees

This is sort of the classic BJ position, your partner standing or seated and you on your knees. But while this one may work well if your partner’s penis curves downward, it doesn’t do much to elongate the throat.

“Unless your receiving partner is significantly taller than you, when you face their body, you’ll likely be at a position where your mouth and throat make an ‘L’ shape,” says Finn. To make it more comfortable, “have your partner stand or sit on the edge of something where their member is now above your mouth, so that you are arching your neck up to them, and they are angling down.”

Your partner lying down

In this position, the receiving partner lies down on their back while you kneel/otherwise position yourself between their legs. This position can make the receiver feel more relaxed while giving you more space to try out different angles and techniques. “I feel like this is the ‘standard’ blowjob position,” says Zane. “In this position, you can take your time deep-throating, and you are definitely the person who's in control.”

To better accommodate an upward curving penis, you can also try flipping around so you’re kneeling over your partner with your legs/hips up by their face, 69-style. (And if you wanna just go ahead and 69 while you’re at it, knock yourselves out!)

Both partners lying down

In this position, you can both lie down sideways facing each other, with your heads pointed in opposite directions while you suck. This is another position that lends itself well to 69ing, adds Zane.

You lying down with your head over the side of the bed

In this position, you lie on your back on the bed with your head over the edge. Your partner then enters you from a standing position. While this one can be great for elongating the throat and accommodating the curve, Zane notes that this is a bit more of an advanced, “throat-fucking” position. In this position, your partner is essentially thrusting into your mouth/throat, giving you much less control over the speed and depth of the blow job. This is definitely a position best for experienced deep-throaters and trusted partners only.

Deep-throating tips

You’ll figure out your own preferred deep-throating tricks, hacks, positions, and areas of expertise as you go, but here are some additional expert-backed tips to keep in mind as you start exploring.

Don’t forget to breathe!

Just because there’s a dick down your throat doesn’t mean you can’t breathe! In fact, you absolutely have to. Not just because you need it to, you know, survive, but because maintaining steady breathing will help keep you (and your throat) relaxed enough to perform.

“Explore syncing your in-and-out breathing with the in and out of the penis,” says Queen. “The body is expelling air when you breathe out, and it might be easier to feel the penis’s out-stroke at the same time. Play around with that.” Whatever you do, don’t hold your breath!

Use lube

While your mouth will likely naturally produce more saliva during this act, don’t feel like you need to rely on spit alone, says Finn. There’s no reason not to make things easier on yourself by incorporating an (edible!) lube to help coat the throat and reduce friction. Btw, this is also a great opportunity to break out the flavored lube.

Do NOT Use any kind of numbing lube, spray, or agent

While, yes, the key to deep-throating is to relax your gag reflex, you do not want to cut it off completely. Using a numbing agent to make deep-throating more comfortable is so dangerous. “Our bodies need to be able to communicate with us so that we know if something bad is going to happen—like vomiting, choking, injury, etc.,” says Finn. “Not to mention, if the numbing agent is still active when the penis enters the mouth, they’re going to lose sensation as well—and that’s no fun.”

Practice

Practice makes perfect, and you don’t even have to go around slobbing on real-live knobs to perfect your deep-throat game. “You can practice using a realistic dildo, going slow and taking your time to try different positions and techniques to get your body used to the sensation,” says Finn.

“I ‘trained my throat’ using a toothbrush,” says Zane. “Every time I brushed my teeth, I’d brush past my tongue, activating my gag reflex. In doing so, I familiarised myself with the deep-throating sensation. In time, I could start suppressing my gag reflex.”

Adjust your angle

Can’t find a position that works? “Try moving your head at various angles,” says Zane. “Sometimes, straight on, I cannot deep-throat a penis. But if I tilt my head 90 degrees, I’m able to.”

Have a safe signal

As you might imagine, it can be tough to talk when there’s a whole-ass dick in your mouth. But, as is true of all sex acts all the time, ongoing communication with your partner is crucial. Instead of a safe word, develop a safe signal you can use to let your partner know you need to slow down or stop, says sexologist Lucy Rowett. This can be something as simple as tapping twice on their leg or hips, and it’s especially important if you’re engaging in throat-fucking.

Don’t worry about what you (or your partner) have seen in porn

Deep-throating is big in porn. But, as it true of almost all porn all the time, the deep-throating you see on screen is probably not a realistic representation. “The effortless deep throating scenes you may encounter in porn? Those are trained performers,” says Finn. “They’ve likely been practicing this art for a while, and you’re also only seeing what the camera sees, not any breaks or behind-the-scenes prep.”

It’s also worth noting that a lot of deep-throating in porn tends to be pretty rough/border on the non-consensual. “Deep-throating can be super hot for both partners, but only when there is enthusiastic consent,” says Rowett. “Someone who tries to force it or spring it as a surprise on their partners—especially like in many porn scenes where the guy grabs a woman's hair and shoves her down on his dick while she muffles in protest—is not a safe sexual partner.”

Take breaks if you need to

There’s literally nothing wrong with taking a breather! “Deep-throating is a marathon, not a sprint,” says Zane. “When you're taking a little break, you can use your hand on the base of your partner's shaft while you suck his head/upper shaft. When you do this, you can simulate the sensation of deep-throating without actually doing so. You just need your hand to match the pressure and timing of your mouth.”

Enthusiasm is everything

“The key to the best blow jobs is not how deep you take it, but the level of enthusiasm you have,” says Engle. “Make some noise, get everything as wet as possible, and just really put your heart into it.”

Lead image credits: Casarsa/Getty Images

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