So what *exactly* is a primal fetish?

Do you like getting a little ~wild~ in the bedroom? Fancied Brendan Fraser a bit *too* much in George of the Jungle? Or convinced your ex to try out some Tarzan and Jane role-play? Well, we've got some news for you, you may well have a primal fetish.

It's not just rope-swinging characters like Tarzan: a primal fetish can cover things like grunting, consensual biting or scratching while you're having sex. It can also include some animal play, like crawling or growling, but that's not an essential part of the fetish (though it can be v fun!).

But what does 'primal' actually mean and how does it differ from other fetishes like pet play? And how do you even begin going about exploring a primal fetish in the first place?

We asked experts Dr Lori Beth Bisbey, an Accredited Advanced GSRD (Gender, Sex, Relationship Diversity) Therapist, sex and intimacy coach, and registered psychologist, who you might have seen on Channel 4's Open House: The Great Sex Experiment and Dr. Laura Vowels, principal researcher and sex therapist at sex therapy app Blueheart to give us the inside scoop.

What is a primal fetish?

Before we dive into all of the naughty stuff, let's start slow, with some definitions.

As you likely already know, the word "primal" harks back to an earlier stage in human development. When it comes to a primal fetish, this may translate to a more instinct-based or even animalistic approach to having sex.

"A primal fetish involves gaining sexual pleasure through engaging in a primal way," explains Dr Bisbey. "The primal part of the brain is responsible for survival, so it is supposed that our basic instincts towards finding food, self protection and reproduction are the ones that are primal."

The term can apply to a range of behaviour which may include some form of animal play (this isn't the case for everyone) perhaps involving large predators, noises like grunts or animal sounds, and consensual "rough" sex.

Primal play can also incorporate dominant/submissive or top/bottom dynamics, sometimes through animal play which follows a hunter/prey or predator/prey logic. Power play may also be explored through consensual scenes revolving around a chase or struggle for dominance.

However, primal kinks can be acted out in other ways too, as Dr Bisbey explains; "Sometimes people will say they are primal and will mean they simply enjoy sex without restraint."

How to negotiate consent within a primal fetish

Part of the allure of a primal fetish is the illusion that the sex is no-holds-barred and unrestrained. However, that's only a very small part of the picture. As with any kink, a looooot of discussion and preparation goes into any primal scene.

When engaging in any kind of rough or primal role-play, the most important factor is of course on-going consent. Even if you're in the headspace of a more animalistic time, it's key to keep communication open to ensure everyone is comfortable with what's happening. As Dr Bisbey puts it; "Primal folk agree that carefully negotiated consent is essential."

"Navigating consent for primal play is no different than navigating consent for any intense BDSM sexual activities: clear safe signals (non-verbal) and safe words are negotiated, limits are discussed and agreed upon, and detailed consent is negotiated in advance," says Dr Bibsey.

A safe word is an agreed upon word that, once uttered, should signify that the sexual activity being attempted needs to come to a stop immediately. For a safe word, you should not use common words like "stop" and should instead choose words that would not naturally come up in sex play. Fruits like "pineapple" and colours such as "red" are common, while some individuals might opt for something more fantastical like "unicorn".

Safe signals, sometimes known as safe signs serve the same function as safe words; but are important to prepare just in case you are not in a position to speak. Pinching your playmate, clenching and unclenching your hand into a fist, or tapping the bed, floor, or surrounding furniture might be an option if your hands are free. However, if you are tied up and/or your limbs are restrained, you might need to work out a different sign: rapid blinking or a specific humming or sound pattern could be an option. Just like with safe words, however, safe signals need to be agreed and tested out in advance.

Before beginning play you should agree on safe words and safe signals with a partner, but it's also important to cover safer sex and contraception methods, your hard boundaries, limits and no-gos so that your comfort and safety are not compromised while you are having sex. This is particularly important with something like primal play, where there may be consensual "fighting" or "struggle for dominance" scenarios as part of the scene.

"Because fighting back is often part of primal play, careful discussion about limits and stopping a scene is important," explains Dr Bisbey.

How do you get into the primal fetish headspace?

As with all sexual roleplay, one of the attractions of primal play is that it can provide a different mindset and new sensations. The primal headspace, in particular, is about stepping away from the worries and conventions of society.

"Primal headspace feels different for different people and also depending upon role, [but it] is often described as one without words. People talk about experiencing intense feelings, having heightened senses and feeling driven to a goal," says Dr Bisbey. "They also often speak of stepping away from their analytical mind or being taken out of their head. People describe being focused in the present moment, which usually increases the intensity of experience as there are no buffers and no diversions."

But how do you get into this frame of mind? According to Dr Bisbey, it's all about preparation. "There are a wide variety of ways people put themselves in a primal head space," she explains. "Some meditate, others listen to music or read erotica."

How to experiment with a primal fetish

Primal fetishes are less of common than other fetishes, so you might not be sure of how to integrate it into your sex life.

After you've discussed consent and safe words/signals, some introductory activities could involve new sounds or role-play in the bedroom. "[You might try] exploring a role-play scenario, perhaps where you and your partner(s) are cave-people, for example, or bringing grunts or other new noises into your sexual practice," says Dr Vowels.

She also recommends communicating openly and honestly about what you like or don't like. With primal play, it can be a good idea to debrief after you finish sex and role-play, discussing what worked and what didn't, as part of aftercare. Aftercare may also involve non-sexual cuddling, reconnecting verbally, and attending to any scratches or bruising. "Like most things to do with sex, talking openly and exploring safely are the best ways to figure out what you like!"

Primal fetish terminology

• Predator: the dominant in a primal play/ animal play scene involving hunting and being hunted.
• Prey: the "bottom" or submissive in a primal play/ animal play scene involving hunting and being hunted.
• Hunter: the dominant in a primal play scene involving hunting and being hunted.
• Alpha: the dominant in a primal play scenario.
• Pack: a group of individuals who engage in primal play together.
• Mate: an individual who you engage in primal play with and have a physical and/or emotional bond or connection with.

 

Lead image credit: Netflix