Should you diss your ex in public even if things ended badly

Emotions are always running high when you’ve just had a breakup, even for introverts who bottle up their feelings. Eventually, they too will end up talking to their inner circle about the good, the bad, and the ugly of what went down and how things ended. Soon enough, the entire world gets to know how bad the person you dated was. As with most things in life, this is an action that does come with its consequences. Remember that words, once spoken, cannot be taken back. Even if things went down south for you, remember that it was your relationship—something between just two people. Does the world need to know everything?

 

Who do you vent to, where and what do you say?

It's important to consider who you're venting to, for how long, and the language you use. Venting can be helpful, but it becomes harmful when it turns negative. While it may feel validating at the moment, it can actually be problematic. So, choose your company wisely. There’s a big difference between sharing with a few close friends and telling the whole world. The former isn’t airing your dirty laundry; it's seeking support. The more people you involve, the less likely they’ll truly understand or empathise.

Your friends and family are more likely to take your feelings seriously and show empathy, while others may see it as gossip. Talking to a best friend is fine, but sharing everything on social media can make things worse, adding a negative connotation that hinders emotional healing. It's okay to talk about your grief, but choose your audience carefully—why involve so many people?

Venting, for a limited time and with the right people, can be a platform for emotional release. It’s comforting to talk, but the intent and audience matter. If you're venting just to complain, it's unhealthy. However, if you're trying to process your emotions, it's productive. Focus on self-reflection—what went wrong, what could be done differently, and what you can learn from the experience.

You get stuck in a loop

Speaking negatively about your ex all the time doesn’t allow you to move away from the past. It makes you seem immature and that you can’t hold grief. It creates a loop—the more you talk about it, the more you remember it and the more miserable you feel. Because it keeps you tied to the past, it also makes you come across as vindictive. If you think you’re going to feel lighter, think again because the emotional baggage gets heavier as you vent over and over again. Plus, it is an indicator that you just haven’t moved on. 

How does it feel from the other side?   

It’s your problem, not theirs

Even if the breakup wasn’t your fault, sharing too much with others won’t help. People come with their own opinions and may misinterpret the situation, unintentionally adding to your misery by saying something they didn’t mean to. And words once spoken can’t be taken back. When you gain perspective on things later in life, you’re going to regret and realise you had a part to play in things going wrong too. 

If you need to vent, consider seeing a therapist. Your friends have their own lives and worries, and while they can listen, there's a limit. Constant ranting can overwhelm them emotionally and mentally. While venting might offer short-term relief, it doesn't lead to healing. The closure that you seek will only come from within. 

Inputs by Sherene Aftab, Psychologist and founder at Serene Hour Counselling & Career Advice Consultancy, and Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, Sir HN Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai

Lead image: Netflix

Also read: Steps to heal and move on from your breakup

Also read: How to give yourself closure and heal after a breakup

Also read: The effects of gossip on your mental health