#SaneGirlEra: How to deal with a partner who is not as emotional as you

Relationships are complex; When two people come together, they bring their own emotional habits, past experiences, and expectations. Sometimes, one partner feels deeply and expresses emotions openly, while the other is more reserved or logical. This mismatch in emotional expression can create frustration, but it doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. It’s all about understanding, adjusting, and finding common ground. Here's how to navigate it.

Understand that emotions are unique

Think of emotions like fingerprints—no two are exactly alike. Your partner might not express their feelings the way you do, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care. Some people are wired to be more practical, valuing actions over words. For instance, they might show love by fixing something for you or planning a trip, rather than writing a heartfelt note. Recognise and appreciate their way of showing love, even if it’s different from yours.

Communicate without blame

When you're feeling emotionally disconnected, it's easy to point fingers: "You never show me you care!" But blame only builds walls. Instead, use “I” statements, like, “I feel lonely when we don’t talk about our feelings.” This shifts the focus to your feelings rather than accusing them. Honest, non-judgmental conversations are key to bridging emotional gaps.

Don’t expect them to change overnight

If you’re the emotional one, you might wish your partner would suddenly become more expressive. But emotional habits are deeply ingrained—they’re not like a switch. Instead of expecting instant transformation, look for small signs of progress. Maybe they share a feeling they’ve been holding back, or they hug you a little longer than usual. Celebrate these moments rather than focusing on what’s still missing.

 

Find balance in expression

When one person is highly emotional and the other is less so, the balance can feel off. To avoid overwhelming your partner, regulate how much emotional intensity you bring to conversations. Similarly, encourage them to step out of their comfort zone and share a bit more. Relationships thrive on compromise; you don’t need to meet in the middle perfectly, but both sides should stretch a little.

Focus on what works

Every relationship has strengths. Maybe your partner is calm in crises, while you’re better at expressing love. Highlight these complementary traits instead of dwelling on differences. If you’re always focused on what’s lacking, you’ll miss out on what’s good.

 Build security together

At the core of every healthy relationship is safety and commitment. Your partner might not be the type to gush over you, but if they’re reliable, respectful, and supportive, that’s a solid foundation. Emotional connection is important, but it grows best when paired with trust and security.

Don’t lose yourself

Lastly, while you’re working on the relationship, don’t forget about you. Express your emotions in ways that fulfill you—talking to friends, or engaging in creative outlets. A strong sense of self makes you a better partner and helps you handle differences with grace.

In the end, a relationship isn’t about making two people identical—it’s about learning to dance to different rhythms. With patience, communication, and mutual respect, even partners on different emotional wavelengths can create a harmonious melody.

Sane Girl Era is our latest column featuring psychologist Chumki Bose, who pens down her expert advice to help Cosmo readers find solace and sanity amidst the chaos.

Bose is a psychologist who focuses on marriage, relationships, family dynamics, personality disorders, trauma-related psychological issues, anxiety, depression, and existential crises.

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