How to reconnect with your partner after becoming a parent

The romance between you and your boo can go for a toss after you become parents. That's because you might be busy dealing with soiled nappies, crying baby/babies, and a lack of sleep, leaving you feeling exhausted at the end of the day. 

You are now living on someone else’s timeline and that can be tough. And if that wasn’t enough, the lack of control, change in routine, domestic duties, and financial adjustments can be very straining on both you and your partner. These factors may even make you forget that you were a couple once upon a time. However, this does not mean that it’s all doom and gloom.

While your baby is well on their way to taking their first steps, there are a few baby steps for you that will help you reconnect with your partner. 

Spend time together and show intent by scheduling it 

You can't really do anything on the spot with your partner when every detail for your baby is meticulously planned. While you both care for the newest addition to your family, it’s the time spent together without the baby that will have the most effect on your relationship and your happiness. Prioritise this time and treat it as a non-negotiable event, just like an appointment or a meeting. Doing so and putting your relationship first at certain intervals speaks volumes.

Be it date night once a month (where you get a babysitter or ask a friend/family member to step in for a few hours) or spending time together at night after the baby has gone to sleep, this time for just the two of you is crucial. Even if the child has sapped all your energy, leaving you exhausted on the sofa, talking about your day or simply being with each other can make such a difference. You’ll feel more connected and in touch by carving out moments just to be together.

Carve out alone time

While you give time to your child and your partner, don’t forget to give time to the most important person in your life—yourself. We know it’s easier said than done, as you’re juggling multiple tasks, both personal and professional. But it’s even harder to give yourself fully to someone else if you never have time for yourself. Taking time to reconnect with yourself could involve listening to your favourite songs or podcasts, taking a walk, or heading to the gym. Having different interests from your partner will also give you more things to talk about. Long story short, a happy parent equals a happy relationship and a happy baby.

Reconnect with your partner sexually

New parents often experience a drop in libido, which is understandable given the changes in a woman’s body after childbirth coupled with the lack of sleep. After giving birth, a woman might feel like she’ll never want to have sex again. However, this is a temporary phase. You will heal, and your interest in sex will return. It’s important to remember that there are many ways to give and receive sexual pleasure. While sex and orgasm are the end goals, think about the beginning and the journey. Start with simple gestures like holding hands and cuddling. Gradually, this physical affection can lead to sex when the time is right.

Remember to forgive each other

You and your partner are going to make mistakes while caring for your baby. While you learn from these experiences, remember to forgive each other when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Do your best to offer affection and compassion, and stay patient amidst the frenzy. One way to do that is by practising mindfulness, which can help foster connection and build intimacy.

As a parent, it’s easy to focus on what you and your partner haven’t done or what’s left to do. But remember, it’s the small things that always make a difference. A simple ‘thank you’ for what may seem ordinary can make a huge difference, making both of you feel seen and appreciated. Don’t stop complimenting and congratulating each other on small victories. Staying positive and spending quality time together is also a great way to feel reconnected.

Learn to see challenges as opportunities

We mentioned the positives earlier, but it’s important to not ignore the challenges you both face. Approach the situation with a ‘glass half full’ mindset and see them as opportunities for growth. It’s completely normal to feel stressed and experience strain in your relationship. You could be going through many emotions and might not know how or what to say to your partner. Becoming a parent introduces new situations that weren’t there before. But if you learn to adapt and navigate these challenges, the bond you share with your partner will only strengthen further.

Be honest about difficult emotions and topics

As a parent, you’re going to feel overwhelmed by tasks and chores, and there may be times when you don’t agree with your partner. But it’s important to talk about these issues; not talking about them is extremely unhealthy. Do your best to talk about sex, budgets, and how you can take better care of the baby. Open communication can prevent misunderstandings that can make it difficult to connect. Furthermore, it also ensures your partner is aware of any challenges you face and helps them learn how to support you better.

Lead image: Unsplash 

Also read: Non-sexual forms of intimacy that will strengthen your relationship

Also read: How to increase sexual intimacy in your relationship