How casual sex affects your mental health

There are two sides to every coin. This is why, sex for many is as intimate as it is casual. We’re not here to tell you what’s right or wrong, but we know nothing tops the sex you do with a person you’re madly in love with. And even if you indulge in casual sex because you don’t want to get attached, it’s just a matter of time before you, or the person you’re with, or both develop feelings. With one or two people bound to be upset and disappointed, their mental health will definitely be impacted. 

What is casual sex? 

Casual sex is when a person wants to have sex without the commitments of a relationship—there is no investment of time or emotions. They want sex and intimacy but not love and affection.  

Sex, however, is not just a physical activity; it also fosters an emotional connection and has a lot to do with a person’s mental well-being. It is a union of two individuals, whose mind, body, and soul are in sync. And if you are a beginner in the casual sex space, don't expect miracles or the abovementioned experiences. Engaging in casual sex can impact one's well-being in a positive and negative way. They may feel guilty if their personal values, expectations, or religious teachings are violated by their behaviour they’ve grown up with. On the other hand, people can get pleasure, and feel excited as well. It differs rom person to person, which impacts self-esteem and self-worth. While positive experiences can enhance feelings of desirability, which can boost self-esteem,  negative patterns may lead to diminished self-worth or validation solely through sexual encounters. 

 

The science of love

When a person has sex with someone they love, they feel loved, but when they keep things casual, they feel the void, prompting them to seek multiple partners. It’s important to remember that the other person is in the same boat. You’re looking for love in the wrong place. And let’s not forget, having multiple sexual partners affects your mental and physical health. 

Orgasms result from sexual stimulation and release feel-good chemicals. In women, the release of oxytocin—which is referred to as the bonding hormone can foster emotional connection and attachment. When one indulges in casual sex, there are conflicting feelings, causing a messy situation. It’s an interplay between psychology and biology. 

If a person only wants casual sex, they will never view relationships as long-term or a commitment. They do not feel loved, and sometimes don't even crave it because their sexual needs are fulfilled. They are content with it and prefer being mentally and emotionally disconnected, and that has more cons, than pros.

When one person wants more than the other

Deep down, we’re all looking for a connection. Problems arise in a casual relationship when one person wants more than the other. They start feeling emotionally attached and wish things could be much more than what they currently are. If the other person is not on the same page and wants to continue keeping things casual, a zillion problems will arise. They feel upset, rethink boundaries, feel lonely, and often start questioning themselves. 

Keeping love and sex separate

When you look for casual sex, you do not seek life-long companionship. Sometimes, aimless and emotionless sex brings in loneliness. When you have sex with strangers, you may do it with the idea to remain unattached, but if you crave companionship or emotional intimacy, you don’t have anything or anyone to look forward to. 

However, if you two can keep the two separate, casual sex offers clarity and an outlet to your feelings and urges in the given moment.  

Events of the past can affect the future

Sometimes, those who indulge in casual sex, look back and feel embarrassed. Their spree and number of casual flings they have had can also haunt people for years. Some of the long-term issues or feelings associated with casual relationships include feeling guilty, humiliated, and used.

With inputs by Sherene Aftab, founder of Serene Hour Counselling & Career Advice Consultancy, and Hitesh Chakraworty, Relationship Expert, Spiritual Healer & Founder, ISSAR and Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, Sir H N Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai