Everything to Know about face sitting (aka “queening”)

In case you haven’t heard, face-sitting is having a major cultural renaissance at the moment. And, my god, do we love to see it! The hashtag #FaceSitting has well over a million views on TikTok with popular videos garnering hundreds of thousands of likes. But, uh, what exactly is face-sitting? Literally so glad you asked.

As the name suggests, face sitting, sometimes called “queening,” is when someone (usually a person with a vulva, cis-woman, or femme) sits on the face of their partner in order to receive oral sex. While this may sound a bit dangerous, when done correctly, it really isn’t. JFYI, you usually don't fully sit your whole body weight down on the person giving you oral sex—unless they want you to, that is.

And while, yes, it can lead to mind-blowing orgasms, face sitting is more than just a sex act. It’s about owning your sexuality, playing with power dynamics, and celebrating pleasure. “Many are attracted to it because of the taboo element, viewing it as a way to challenge traditional notions of female submission in sexuality,” says sex therapist, Nazanin Moali, Ph.D., host of the popular Sexology podcast. “This position showcases women in a position of power and control over their own sexuality.”

Like many sex things, proper face sitting is a skill that needs to be crafted, one that deserves care and attention. So, let’s break down what face-sitting is, how it can benefit your sex life, and how you can try it for yourself, shall we? We corralled some of the world’s leading sex experts to give you a no-frills guide to this sizzling sex act.

But first, a brief history of face sitting

While we’re not entirely sure of the historical origins of face sitting, sex educator Linnea Marie, a sexpert at BedBible.com, points out that depictions of the act can be found across history, portrayed in art, literature, and cultural practices that depict intimate acts. So as far as sex acts go, face sitting appears to be rather ubiquitous. While it possibly has roots in eastern culture, it's highly likely that no matter who you are or where you’re from, your ancestors probably sat on someone’s face at some point. And that’s beautiful.

In the Victorian Era, face sitting became popularized amongst those ~in the know~ with the advent of the ‘queening stool.’ “It was a stool with a hole in it that a woman would sit on exposing all of her genitals and her male 'subject' would lay under the stool to please her,” explains Taylor Sparks, an intimacy educator and founder of OrganicLoven.com. King Edward the VII (known as “Dirty Bertie”) owned a sex chair that may very well have been used to facilitate queening (amongst other things).

Today, artists still love bringing this act to life in their work. Marie points to the Japanese artist, Namio Harukawa, who has made face-sitting one of his primary focuses.

Why face sitting is also referred to as “queening”

Although anyone can technically pop a squat on their partner’s face, femmes are the most common “givers” of this act. Face sitting is particularly big in the BDSM community where it earned the nickname “queening,” as in a queen sitting on their throne. In these instances, the person doing the queening is usually a femme Dom.

The person sitting on their partner's face is usually the dominant partner, explains sexologist Tanya M. Bass, PhD. But, it’s not exclusive to a “queening” thing. Face sitting can also be called “kinging,” wherein a male or penis-owning partner does the face sitting. This wonderful act can be done by anyone of any gender.

The act of face sitting/queening is popular in the kink community, but it's important to note that it's not just a kink thing. No matter your sexual persuasion, anyone can partake in face-sitting, vanilla, kinky, or otherwise.

Why are people into face sitting?

While people love face sitting for many reasons, the core appeal is the power play aspect. Marie says that face-sitting usually falls under the wider kink umbrella. “There's a Dom/sub aspect in that the dominant partner is on top while the submissive partner is on bottom.”

As the “queen” in question, Moali says it can make you feel like a true goddess in a world that, frankly, doesn’t really want you to feel that way. “Being in such a position and witnessing the pleasure that your partner derives from being in close proximity to your genital area can be highly gratifying,” she says. “It has the potential to enhance the confidence of vulva owners and foster a sense of empowerment.”

For the giver, Marie says that face sitting allows for full submission—a position in which they can “surrender control, be smothered, and find pleasure in their partner's dominance,” she says.

Marie adds that while face-sitting is often highly correlated with kink, it isn’t always. Face sitting can also foster more intimacy and closeness with vanilla partners, offering a new way of exploring and connecting.

Last but certainly not least, face sitting is a reliable way to reach orgasm. You’re able to grind your clitoris on your partner’s face, giving you control over the pressure and movements. Plus, “the close proximity it provides to multiple erogenous zones, ultimately can intensify orgasms for some,” Moali says. Your partner is up front and center, giving them access to the perineum, anal opening, vaginal opening, etc.

 

How to try queening: 3 tips for face sitting

1. Get clear on your expectations

Before you go pop a squat on a partner’s face, you have to be open and honest about what you want, need, and desire. Get clear about how you picture this act going down and what about it is appealing to you. “It is helpful to communicate and share what specifically turns you on, as there are various positions and furniture that can enhance the experience,” Moali says.

Face sitting will look different for everyone, so don’t be afraid to customize.

2. Get in position

If you are the “queen,” you can kneel over your “subject,” who will be lying down on their back. Straddle their face with your legs and use your thigh muscles to hover your genitals right over their mouth. You don’t want to put your full weight on their face or you could restrict their breathing, which is dangerous. As far as which direction to face, it’s entirely up to you; it doesn’t make a lick of difference (pun intended).

Once you are in position, your partner should do whatever they normally do when giving cunnilingus. This includes but is not limited to: sucking, kissing, and flicking your clit with their tongue. Feel free to take advantage of this empowering position to tell your partner what you want. After all, you are the queen.

Keep in mind that you may have to play around with positions in order to find one that is comfortable for you. Get experimental.

3. Safe words are a must

A verbal safe word is an absolutely must-have during sex—especially kink play. Of course, in face sitting, it can be hard for the person who’s face is being sat on to speak. After all, you’re basically being smothered (in a hot way). Moali suggests bringing in a non-verbal safe word to use as backup. Try employing the “three taps technique.” If you’re feeling uncomfortable, simply tap your partner’s leg three times.

3 ways to customize face sitting

1. Get yourself some sex equipment

Try using a sex aid like the Liberator Black Label Wedge or original Wedge. “This wedge has a subtle slope to raise your partner's head and extends out on the sides giving you a place to put your knees,” Sparks says. “This way they are not lying flat on the bed and you can control how much weight you’re putting on their face.”

You can also make use of furniture, such as chairs and couches. And if you’re feeling EXTRA adventurous, you can even buy your own queening chair on Etsy.

2. Try the ‘one knee’ approach

If you’re nervous about the prospect of sitting on someone’s face and possibly smothering them to death, don’t worry. Instead of assuming the classic semi-squat, try having one knee up. Marie says this is a perfect entry-level technique for first-time face-sitters: “It allows for the same effects, but the person’s full body weight isn’t on their partner.”

3. Be willing to stay flexible

Marie says that while this position can be very fun, it might not be doable for an extended sex session. Be willing to start (or end!) with some face sitting, with a willingness to shift to other positions, as needed. “It's perfectly fine to switch it up and change positions,” she adds. Sex is all about figuring out what works for you.