Astrology Has a Creepy-Accurate Explanation for Serial Killers

You know how the FBI has an entire team dedicated to psychologically profiling murderers? Well, maybe they should just use astrology instead. It’s cheaper. And bizarrely on point.

Let me explain: In the zodiac, Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces are known as mutable signs, meaning they’re adaptable and frantically indecisive. They’re like chameleons, experiencing episodic and frequent change throughout their lives. Combine that with these signs’ energies and personalities and you’ve got a recipe for people living double lives. No, really....

• Geminis are symbolized by twins and known for having multiple sides or ­hidden personalities. A charming outer persona and a darker, disturbed inner one? Yup, a real possibility.

• Virgos are meticulous and systematic—they live for patterns and routine. Serial killers tend to commit acts that follow a characteristic, predictable behavior pattern. So.

• Sagittariuses are charismatic and thrive on adventure. It makes sense that thrill-seeking Sags might be more likely to take a chance on going through with a heinous act.

• Pisces are empathetic, but that empathy could backfire. Since they have the ability to feel collective pain, they can get overwhelmed and turn way inward as a coping mechanism.

Round up a few of America’s most notorious serial killers, and you’ll get: Ted Bundy (Sagittarius), Jeffrey Dahmer (Gemini), John Wayne Gacy (Pisces), Andrew Cunanan (Virgo), “Son of Sam” David Berkowitz (Gemini), Richard “the Night Stalker” Ramirez (Pisces), “Boston Strangler” Albert DeSalvo (Virgo), Randy Kraft (Pisces), Larry Eyler (Sagittarius), and “BTK” Dennis Rader (Pisces).

And it’s true that in comparing some of these criminals’ birth charts, patterns emerge. Bundy, Cunanan, Ramirez, and Kraft all share three key aspects in their chart: a harsh and tense one with Pluto, the planet of death and repressed psychological behaviors; a soft and supportive one with Mercury (the planet of communication); and a Rising sign that is conjunct with another planet.

Translation: Pluto can bring positive transformations, but when poorly aspected, it can also cause troubling self-sabotage—even a fixation with death. A Mercury connection enhances the gift of gab, a necessary skill for luring new victims. And when any planet forms an aspect to your Rising sign, it can amplify that facet of your personality. Bundy, for example, has a Venus in Scorpio that forms a stressful square to his Leo Rising. When Venus, the planet of love, forms an unforgiving aspect like this, there is a tendency for the person to struggle with self-worth and to act out as a result.

YIKES. But before you freak out because you live with a Pisces, remember that birth charts are only a map. Everyone still has the power to exercise free will. Plus, “I’m a ­Gemini” won’t hold up in court, so, yeah. Please don’t kill anyone.