Sexual health expert and gender justice activist Dr Varuna Srinivasan on their journey out of the closet

“I have been a rulebreaker all my life. Especially as a woman, who is constantly told to behave or act a certain way, it feels exciting to bend and break those existing notions. Gender is a social construct, my femininity does not define me, and honestly, my sexuality is so much more than my damn relationship. So I refuse to deal with people who deny my existence and want to erase my experiences. Earlier, I would spend hours convincing people that my sexuality was real. That I was real. I would reason with biphobes, homophobes, and transphobes that LGBTQIA+ people are valid. But no more of that...I do not have time for that kind of negativity.

I have learned that the hurdles we face often prove to be our biggest motivators, and boy, do I love challenges. Every single hurdle I have faced propped me up for greater success. The toughest one was, of course, making the decision to go public with my queerness. I came out publicly in 2020, and it wasn’t easy to put all those personal experiences on the Internet. But by doing so, I found joy, community, love, and acceptance from all corners. It was profound.

As a sexual health media expert, activist, and writer, my work focuses on helping people gain a deeper understanding of sexual health, particularly within the South Asian LGBTQIA+ community. I have also founded Tara Health Media, a digital platform built around sexual and reproductive health education and empowerment in South Asian communities. Beyond that, it’s about helping everyone gain a broader understanding of comprehensive sex education. A lot of us, growing up in a country like India, aren’t really exposed to queer people. I know I wasn’t. I felt so trapped within my own sexuality. I deserved a safe space to explore myself. I hope that through my advocacy, people can see someone who looks like them and find strength in coming out.

What bothered me earlier was old friends and partners who felt insecure when I spoke about exploring my sexuality. A common misconception is that for one to explore their sexuality, they have to cheat or be promiscuous. It is so much more than that. It is about introspection and reflecting on deeper questions related to gender, sexual identity, and how it ties to individuality. While I wanted to make those relationships work, it really bothered me how much I had to shrink myself to fit another person’s comfortable version of me. But I no longer care about making someone else feel comfortable about my choices. (Girl, bye!)

I think one of my best qualities is resilience, brought on by not just hope, but also softness. It can be easy to get jaded, hardened, and bogged down by the world. We constantly witness atrocities that bleed into our lives. As queer people, we are made out to be the ‘enemy’. We internalise so much of it. But our resilience and self-care are forms of resistance. That’s what makes me a changemaker. I love myself and my queer joy is not going anywhere. I believe there is room for everyone to not just survive, but also thrive.

One of the most surreal moments in my life was when my story and achievements were recognised by Serena Williams in 2020—it was such a humbling experience to be recognised by my idol. If I can offer a piece of advice from my own journey, I would say keep living your truth and keep telling your story. By talking about your life, you are continuing to break the status quo...you are celebrating your life.”