10 Signs You've Had the Best Weekend EVER

1. You wake up to the pinging sound of a bizillion Whatsapp notifications...consisting mostly of selfies your friend is sending you with...erm...bar staff? Perhaps that means the bar tab was cheap… *hopeful face*

2. When you finally pick up your phone, it's the same temperature as the Caribbean...thanks to all that drunk Tinder swiping/Whatsapping/Instagram-likin'. Scorchio.

3. Once it's cooled down enough to use, you clock six random Uber journey receipts to somewhere you've literally never heard of. Just delete the receipts and it's like it never happened (plus, your rating has gone up so it's not all bad, hey?)

4. When you finally step out the house, your neighbours keep asking if you've "recovered yet" with a snigger. Look Mary, if you've got something to say just come out and say it, OK? (Actually don't, sorry Mary. Thanks for not calling the police.)

5. Your bedroom could pass for a Gone Girl crime scene. Clothes everywhere, remnants of a cheese toastie (did you cook that? Buy it? Steal it?!) and makeup wipes for days.

6. You've lost something. Maybe it's your mind, maybe it's your dignity - or perhaps it's your favourite hairbrush (our thoughts are with you at this difficult time). Rest assured that there's a direct positive correlation between 'fun had', and 'amount of shit lost' (honestly, it's pretty much SCIENCE). 

7. Your stomach feels like you've done an Abs of Steel workout thanks to all that LOL-ing. In fact, you can't even look at your Whatsapp convos right now for fear of triggering another round of hysterical laughter. Happy days.

8. Your ex texts you saying, "Did you mean what you said last night?" Oh. Crap. 

9. You start talking in friendglish. You know, that weird language consisting of words you and your BFFs end up speaking because you've been spending so much lovely time together. You only realise you're doing this when your boss asks, "What's 'Doms'? And 'Mans'?" (A: 'Dominos' and 'manicures', obvs).

10. 99.9999% of any future conversation will start with an anecdote about this weekend. Even if it's completely irrelevant. "Yeah I know what you mean about not having any money, this one time me and my friends HAD THE BEST WEEKEND EVER AND...oh I forgot what I was even saying." 

Same time next week?